The Twinkies

I’m having an “I feel like quitting” day.

Someone has been fussy almost all day, if one could use the word fussy to describe “screaming at full volume.” F. is learning to crawl and she gets frustrated when she can’t get herself forward. Both babies get upset if they see me holding the other baby. F. reacts by sucking her thumb and looking reproachful. J. is more straightforward; he gets red-faced and screams.

I miss teaching. I flatter myself that I was good at it (though I still feel sorry for those poor kids who got stuck with me for Western Civilization, a class I think should be either radically revamped or removed from the curriculum.) It gave me a sense of accomplishment and intellectual stimulation. I used to talk to people about literature and history and their lives and art and ideas and now I wipe up spit up. No matter what I do, I am on a treadmill. Feed the baby, change the baby, calm the screaming baby, do the laundry, fold the diapers, start again. Somewhere in there I try to make dinner. It’s just an endurance test, day after day after day.

I know that I need to get out, but there is really no place to go. I am sick of the mall, and without unlimited funds shopping gets tiresome. Actually, shopping may get tiresome with unlimited funds, but I wouldn’t know. Any place I go has to be baby friendly, or, more accurately, giant-stoller-plus-two-babies-who-may-meltdown-at-any-time friendly. That elimimates a lot of places.

I don’t think I expected to like being a stay-at-home-mom, but I didn’t expect to hate it this much. I have to find some way to make this endurable until the kids are three and can start pre-school, but I don’t know how.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 at 2:04 pm and is filed under From The Trenches. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.