The Twinkies

Oy vey, were they tough this week. Thank goodness we are starting another week.

As Bobbi said, “anyone who tells you that their life as a SAHM is sunshine and roses is full of shit.” Thanks to all of the stay-at-home-moms (and others) who gave me sympathy, support and ideas about how to make this work. Kelly, Jen, Bobbi, Jane and others - thank you!

I have signed up for the Bristol Moms of Twins club and the December meeting is a cookie exchange, have arranged to meet some other West Hartford moms for bagels, and am meeting local Fertility Friend moms to descend on Papaya Patch after Thanksgiving. So…things are in motion to get better.

Have you ever tried to get around with a double stroller? Let me tell you, it is a pain in the ass. Now, this thing is no wider than a wheelchair, but I have discovered in the past few months how many places are not actually handicapped accessible. Merchants stack crap in aisles of stores, and opening a door, propping it open with your hip while navigating a wide stroller that j-u-s-t fits it not that easy. And you wouldn’t believe how many people will just watch you do this as though you were a roadside attraction.

The logical alternative is to wear one baby and use a single stroller. I started with a Baby Bjorn. B. really likes it, but I find it awkward and a little uncomfortable. Then I tried a Maya Wrap. The learning curve for the Maya Wrap was rather steep, and I still find it very uncomfortable. After two tries, I had pretty much given up on slinging. Then, today at my multiples group one of the other mothers suggested I try a Moby Wrap.

Can I just tell you how much I love this thing? It is so easy to use, and so comfortable. I wore J. in as I walked home and he loved it, and was totally conked out by the time I got home. He is upstairs napping now. And, of course, when J. doesn’t nap NO ONE is happy.

Now, to get a single stroller…

I’m having an “I feel like quitting” day.

Someone has been fussy almost all day, if one could use the word fussy to describe “screaming at full volume.” F. is learning to crawl and she gets frustrated when she can’t get herself forward. Both babies get upset if they see me holding the other baby. F. reacts by sucking her thumb and looking reproachful. J. is more straightforward; he gets red-faced and screams.

I miss teaching. I flatter myself that I was good at it (though I still feel sorry for those poor kids who got stuck with me for Western Civilization, a class I think should be either radically revamped or removed from the curriculum.) It gave me a sense of accomplishment and intellectual stimulation. I used to talk to people about literature and history and their lives and art and ideas and now I wipe up spit up. No matter what I do, I am on a treadmill. Feed the baby, change the baby, calm the screaming baby, do the laundry, fold the diapers, start again. Somewhere in there I try to make dinner. It’s just an endurance test, day after day after day.

I know that I need to get out, but there is really no place to go. I am sick of the mall, and without unlimited funds shopping gets tiresome. Actually, shopping may get tiresome with unlimited funds, but I wouldn’t know. Any place I go has to be baby friendly, or, more accurately, giant-stoller-plus-two-babies-who-may-meltdown-at-any-time friendly. That elimimates a lot of places.

I don’t think I expected to like being a stay-at-home-mom, but I didn’t expect to hate it this much. I have to find some way to make this endurable until the kids are three and can start pre-school, but I don’t know how.

It amazes me how many people ask me if the twins are identical. Today I had a woman successfully identify them as a boy and a girl, not exactly rocket science since I had J. in blue and F. in pink. Then she asked “Are they identical?”

Yeah, sure, except that he has a penis.

So…let us review.

Dizygotic (Fraternal) twins occur when the mother releases 2 eggs during one ovulation cycle and these are then fertilised. Fraternal twins are no more alike than any other brother or sister except that they share the same birthday. They can be the same sex or boy-girl.

Monozygotic (Identical) twins occur when a single zygote (fertilised ovum) divides during the first two weeks of development.

(from twin.twin.org)

Because identical twins share the exact same genetic material, they CANNOT (usually) be boy-girl, as a boy has an XY chromosomal pair and a girl an XX pair. These are NOT THE SAME. To be fair some rare disorders can cause monozygotic twins to develop non-identically, but, for all practical purposes if a twin set is boy/girl, they are dizygotic, or “fraternal”, twins no matter how much they may look alike.

I posted these on another board where moms of babies born in July hang out, and wasn’t going to put them here for fear people would think they were greedy wish lists, but I have been informed that I should share them. So…

Dear Santa,

Mommy says you aren’t really real, but that you are the mythological representation of generosity based on a fourth century Greek saint. This is very confusing. Daddy says Mommy spent too much time in graduate school and that I should write you a letter anyway.

My name is F. and I will be almost 6 months old at Christmas time. It will be my first Christmas and I don’t know what to ask for. So far life has been pretty good and I haven’t wanted anything I didn’t get within a few minutes. However, that said, here are some ideas:

• I would like to see sugar maples turn colors in the fall and drink water from fresh water springs. Therefore, I think the US needs to do something about pollution and global warming. I don’t have any real ideas on how to do this, but if you are so magic you could go from being a generous Greek guy to wearing a red suit with fuzzy white trim and being everywhere, I guess you can figure it out. But I am just a little person and I am afraid the world will be all dirty by the time I am big enough to enjoy it.


• World Peace. Mommy and Daddy say it is complicated, but I get along with my brother and he used to kick me in the head when I was only a few inches big. If I can like him after that I don’t see why other people can’t get along. I think grown-ups make things too complicated. See the thing above about Mommy and Santa.

I also really like HABA toys and Boynton board books. Oh, and bring something for my brother.

Thank you, Santa!

F.

And from J…

Dear Santa,

My name is J. and I will be almost 6 months old at Christmas. I have a little sister named F. She kind of over-thinks things. For Christmas I would like a thumb. F. has a thumb and she is always sticking it in her mouth. I’ve looked and looked and I can’t find mine, so I must not have one. So…I want a thumb.

Thank you,

J.