If Only I Had Known…
High school sex education missed a few things. It didn’t go into fertility charting, for example, or that egg-white cervical mucus means “go have sex NOW” or “for the love of God, don’t have sex today” depending on your procreation goals. When I finished that class I knew what a diaphragm looked like but nothing about, for example, the mechanics of breastfeeding.
We all know that breastfeeding is good. We have the reasons to breastfeed shoved down our throats. But many women end up leaving the hospital knowing next to nothing about the actual process of breastfeeding or what to expect over the course of their breastfeeding relationship; we run into hurdles and have no idea whether our struggles are normal. They usually are.
I bring you “What we know now that we wish we had known then: breastfeeding wisdom from the trenches” compiled from contributions from my friends ~lovemy2~, Babyesq, Blackbird, Carter&NolansMama, ChrisandJamesII, Gen, Gortday, Jen, -k, K-BE, Kahlan, Kathryn, Katie, kglass235, *Margot*, Merry, Nae, NellieBly, Realrellim, Redd1234, SinSD, Tam, and Warren&Michael’sMommy on FertilityFriend.
I wish I had known that it would be normal to (rightly or wrongly) identify my success as a mother with my success at breastfeeding, that when my daughter couldn’t or wouldn’t breastfeed it would be normal to feel like my very world was ending, that the breastfeeding struggles would make me angry and scared and at times a little desperate, that other mothers were actually experiencing what I was. And of course that everything, even infections, strikes, reflux and more, would be 1 million times worth it in the end.
Pain
- If pain shows up 2 weeks or so after delivery, and you had antibiotics, or about the same time as a diaper rash, or about the same time as a vaginal yeast infection you may have thrush.
Cluster Feedings/Nursing Frequency
- Cluster feedings do not mean you are starving your baby.
- Nonstop feeding for three hours straight is normal and should be expected in the first few weeks.
- Newborn babies are supposed to nurse 5 billion times a day.
- A newborn baby’s stomach is the size of a marble.
- Just because a baby wants to nurse often doesn’t mean it’s not getting enough milk.
- You don’t need to ‘wait’ between nursing to let your boobs fill up.
- Nursing on demand really DOES mean every single time babies demand it, even if it’s 20 minutes after they’ve been on the boob for an hour and they can’t possibly still be hungry. They are.
- A nursing session with a newborn will often consist of 15 minutes on each side, then a diaper change, then back on for 30 more minutes, then another poop, then nursing to sleep, and then up again 45 minutes later.
- Sudden cluster feeds at 4 months or whatever doesn’t mean the baby is starving and needs solids (or formula).
- Babies cluster feed right before they go down for the night, which might mean that you could be nursing off and on for a few hours. That it doesn’t mean that you have a low supply in the evening.
Supplementing/Pumping
- “Nipple confusion” is the exception, not the rule.
- Don’t supplement to prevent a problem or you may end up causing one.
- You can ask for a pump in the hospital.
- It takes time for your milk to come in - don’t panic.
- You’ll never pump as much as the baby can suckle, so don’t use your pumping output to judge how much food the baby is getting.
When the Baby Loses Weight Right After Birth
- If the mother was given a ton of IV fluids during labor, that needs to be taken into consideration as it can make a baby retain water and result in a higher birth weight than is really accurate.
- Use the lowest weight taken at the hospital prior to discharge to determine the goal weight the baby should regain in two weeks.
So-called Experts
- Just because a nurse says it does not mean it is true.
- Switching your baby’s doctor at 3 a.m. on his 3rd day of life (because the on-call doctor at his pediatrician’s office shamed you for not giving a bottle of formula) is perfectly okay.
- Even people who are pro-breastfeeding and nursed three kids DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING but can be a great source of advice nonetheless. Use some, discard the rest.
- It is extremely helpful to give birth at a hospital that is pro-breastfeeding and to have an OB that is pro-breastfeeding.
- Even at 6 months old, pediatricians that aren’t pro-breastfeeding can sabotage you because some of them seem to think that formula is God’s gift to the world.
- If you are having troubles, see a LC, if they aren’t helpful, keep looking until you find one that is! (Like nurses, not all LC’s are created equal.)
- Just because you think you’re a breastfeeding guru or because you’ve breastfed before doesn’t mean you can figure it all out on your own. It’s very different when you’re newly postpartum and recovering with all the sleep deprivation and hormones.
Taking Care of YOU
- I wish I had known how HUNGRY I would be! And how hard it would be to get time to eat when your baby just wants to keep nursing and nursing and nursing!
- When using lanolin on your nipples, USE A NURSING PAD OR SHELL ON TOP!!!! I ruined a couple of tops before I realized what was going on.
- If you are using nursing shells for any reason, in the early days you may need to stuff something absorbent into the bottom of them to prevent leaking. The little pads they give you aren’t enough. I ended up cutting half-moons of nursing pads and putting them in the bottoms.
- Some newborns are allergic to milk in your diet, and all the casseroles and lasagnas that well-meaning people have stocked in your freezer will be off-limits. Not only that, you will have to go through trying to rethink your diet and read labels and understand what you can and cannot eat, all while you are starving and exhausted and can barely even manage to not fall over while you pee.
- It’s really okay to live on tortilla chips, hummus, almonds and Tofutti Cuties for weeks on end, as long as you drink enough water and take a vitamin.
- Keep a box of crackers or energy bars next to the bed for snacking on while nursing in the middle of the night.
- Those Thermacare pads inserted into the bra during the day (and sleeping with a heating pad stuffed into it at night) can really help prevent a clogged duct from turning into mastitis.
- The myth that 30 minutes of running or other vigorous exercise can make your milk taste bad is nonsense.
- ALWAYS keep water nearby when you are nursing.
- I wish I had known that BF would be the single most emotional, challenging, personal and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.
Extended Breastfeeding
- Breastfeeding with teeth is NOT that scary.
- Babies do not NEED solids at 6 months. They can be perfectly healthy eating few solids even after a year.
- Any small dings (from budding teeth) on the nipple need to be washed with warm soap and water after each nursing (antibacterial properties of breast milk notwithstanding) to avoid infection.
- I wish I had known how emotionally bittersweet it would be for ME when my daughter started to wean (on her own).
Other Stuff
- It is VERY uncommon for breastfed babies to be constipated, and that going several days without a poop is OK.
- If you cloth diaper breastfed poops can go straight in the wash.
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There are some other fabulous blog posts out there is this month’s carnival of breastfeeding advice. Breastfeeding 1-2-3 discusses how to get good medical advice on breastfeeding. BreastfeedingMums talks about where to get breastfeeding help. Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog identifies the good and bad advice out there and resources for help. Mocha Milk shares some favorite sources of advice.The Baby Gravy Train lists the best breastfeeding advice she received.The Black Breastfeeding Blog describes the critical piece of support she got from her mother. Mama Knows Breast sings the praises of lactation consultants. The Lactivist compiles her best advice on exclusively pumping. Cairo Mama tells how through her determination she made breastfeeding work. Random Wanderings laments how bad advice can sabotage breastfeeding.
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January 17th, 2007 09:09
Great post!
A great tip from my midwife:
If you get a plugged duct and want to apply heat, microwave a potato until warm (but not baked!). It’s the perfect size to put on the plugged area, doesn’t leak water, and holds heat longer than any other compresses I tried.
A tip from me:
If you’ve got a chance to take a breastfeeding class before birth, go. Even if you’ve read up on breastfeeding and think you’re all set and figure you won’t learn anything new, go. The more confidence a new mother can get that she knows what she’s doing, the better to fend off “helpful” relatives who wonder why the baby is nursing soo much, and “helpful” pediatricians who foist that formula on you “just in case.” Taking the father along to class helps him feel confident enough to back up the mother at these times, also.
January 17th, 2007 09:41
Great post, and perfect timing… I’m counting the hours until our first arrives and planning to breastfeed. Thanks!
January 17th, 2007 12:36
This is so so so fantastic. So fantastic. I wish I had read this a long time ago…
January 17th, 2007 14:07
Kudos to all who put this together–boy it would have been nice to know this stuff when I began my first nursing relationship…
Here’s one more for you: when you get a clogged milk duct, examine your nipple carefully after each time that you nurse or pump. If you see a white “dot” in one of the little holes on your nipple, squeeze it gently (kind of like squeezing a blackhead–gross, I know), and there’s a good chance that the little white thing will pop out! For me, it was like a tiny calcium deposit, and I was more likely to get them if I wasn’t drinking enough water. Be sure to have a towel or cloth diaper handy to soak up all the milk that has been building up in that duct because it will just start spraying like crazy…
January 17th, 2007 20:06
This is right on. I can’t even think of anything I’d add.
January 19th, 2007 11:37
Excellent post! Thank you!
January 19th, 2007 13:20
Great post! I wish I would have known these things when I was going through my first few weeks of breastfeeding hell. But it was all worth it for us in the end.
January 19th, 2007 16:19
I wish I would’ve known that while hour-long nursing sessions are normal, so are babies who can empty a boob in 8 minutes once they learn how to latch. I was constantly dragging Joey in for weight checks because he would never spend more than 8 minutes at the boob and only wanted to nurse every 2-3 hours from day one. I read all the posts about hour long nursing sessions and figured he must not be getting enough!
January 19th, 2007 16:19
I wish I had known:
– Hour long nursing sessions are normal at first. It gets shorter eventually. Even though it seems like pumping and giving a bottle would be quicker, it will take longer in the long run.
– Don’t go overboard with physical activity in the first few weeks not matter how good you feel. Your body needs rest to recover from birth and make all that wonderful milk.
– Pumping to relieve engorgement doesn’t make you engorged again next time. I honestly thought my boobs would automatically refill to that same place and I would always be pumping to keep from being in pain.
– You don’t have to make it through X amount of months of breastfeeding. You just have to make it through this minute. Tomorrow will take care of its self if you just worry about this second. Like a recovering alcoholic, one day at a time.
– Using a nipple shield is not the end of the world. Eventually the baby will not need it any more and it is still tons better than bottle feeding.
– One boob will produce more milk than the other one. You will feel lopsided and you may look lopsided. No one else can tell.
– If you are having supply problems, there are medicines that can help. You don’t have to quit at the first sign of supply problems.
– Low iron can lead to low milk supply. If you were anemic during pregnancy, keep taking your iron pill while you are breastfeeding.
– Most babies will not instantly refuse to nurse just because they have been offered a bottle. Nipple confusion is not an instant happening. If you have to supplement, so be it. But do it after the baby has taken everything from the breast s/he possibly can.
January 19th, 2007 16:20
The first weeks are hard. They just are. If you persevere, it WILL get better - and eventually, it will get EASY!
No matter how prepared you are, no matter how well supported, no matter how strong your commitment to breastfeeding, there may come a moment when it feels impossible - dc won’t eat, or there doesn’t seem to be any milk, or you’re just TOO tired…that’s the moment to not give up and KEEP GOING. (Combined with hormones, it can be really tough. I remember collapsing in a heap on the bed sobbing “I can’t even feed my baby!” Dh, looking puzzled, patted my back and then took ds into the other room for a rocking chair session while I had my cry.) It might help to warn your partner/other support people that this may happen and their job is to encourage you to keep going, NOT to offer to go make a bottle!!
EAT! (Which may mean having someone feed you.)
Buy a couple of cases of bottled water and stash the bottles strategically around the house in places you can reach while bfing. I was SO thirsty! This was the only way I got enough to drink.
Don’t have any formula in the house. Period. It’s just too tempting when things get hard.
The “grab his head and jam him on the breast the moment he opens his mouth wide enough” method of getting a baby latched (what all of the nurses at the hospital had me doing) sucked. It nearly ruined ds’s ability to latch. Two days after we got home, I spent a relaxed hour letting ds unhurriedly explore my nipples (this was what we should have been doing in the hours after he was born). After that, he had a MUCH easier time latching, and I never did a “grab and jam” again.
Get help from a LC. Have them come to your home. Keep looking until you find one who “clicks” with you. (The first one we talked to was a “grab and jam” advocate. The second one was a gentle soul who understood that nursing was a team effort, not something to be done to ds. She was a great help at getting me positioned better, teaching me how to pump, etc.)
Learn how to bf lying down. You’ll get A LOT more sleep, even if you don’t cosleep but just rest or nap while dc eats.
Sometimes dc will nurse for an hour or longer straight. Have some interesting but not too complicated books around to give you something to do. Nothing scary or too emotionally intense - your hormones can’t take it yet. (Low-key mysteries worked well for me.) Enjoy these peaceful times - when dc hits 4 months and starts doing gymnastics while nursing, you’re realize your days of doing anything else while bfing are over. (But don’t worry, they don’t feed for nearly as long at that point!)
Have your MW or LC describe to you what Mastitis looks and feels like, so you’ll recognize it right away if it happens to you. I was able to get antibiotics within hours of seeing my first symptoms, and the pain was all but gone within a day or so. (And bfing MORE on that side actually helps a lot, even though it hurts at first.)
Somewhere around 4 months, your baby will suddenly get distracted a lot while bf. S/he pull off the nipple to look at or listen to EVERYTHING. It will feel like an accomplishment if s/he nurses for 5 minutes straight! This does NOT mean it is time to wean or time for a bottle. Keep going - it will get better within a couple of weeks.
You might need to adjust your own diet for bfing to go well. DS had terrible gas and was really uncomfortable. People kept saying that was just how new babies are. (Including a doctor - who said “it’s not really pain - it just LOOKS like he’s in pain.” Yeah, right.) Then someone mentioned that her son had been sensitive to onions… I ended up eliminating all of the potential problem foods from my diet (dairy, onions, garlic, broccoli family veggies, citrus) and voila`, virtually overnight ds was no longer cringing, screaming, and curling up in pain. He does still fart!!
Your own food sensitivities and allergies might change abruptly the moment dc is born. (In my case, my lactose intolerance went away during pregnancy - and was back full-force immediately after birth. The reflux and indigestion I’d had all pregnancy went away, however.)
It’s worth it, it’s worth it, it’s worth it!!
January 23rd, 2007 13:12
I wish I had known that my failure to be able to exclusively breastfeed was directly linked to the post delivery trauma I endured (extreme blood loss, shock) and that I should have listened to my instincts about retained placenta before it was too late to recover my milk supply.
The lesson is — you know your body better than anyone — don’t let the doctors dissuade you from what you know to be true. I can only hope next time I will be able to exclusively breastfeed as long as I can - twins or singleton. (I have twins now).
March 9th, 2007 05:01
oh this is a great post.. and its such a coincidence because today i did a post on what i wish i had known earlier…
hope you dont mind if i link up!!!
March 11th, 2007 11:11
[...] This post has been moved to HERE. [...]
March 12th, 2007 07:00
[...] Twinkies gathered breastfeeding advice from the trenches — the best advice contributed from several of her [...]
March 12th, 2007 07:11
Yet another one of your posts that goes in the “For Future Reference” section of my bookmarks, right next to the cloth diaper manifesto.
You do know that if all goes well next month, you are going to have to be on my speed dial by next January, right?
March 12th, 2007 11:03
Great post! I would also like to add that sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I agree that a lot women — me included — felt a huge sense of disappointment when breastfeeding just wasn’t in the cards for them.
I started pumping in the hospital within hours of my twins’ birth. Three days later some milk started to appear, and I was thrilled. But the quanity never increased. The most I have ever produced in one session is about 8 ml. That is certainly not enough to feed a baby let alone two babies! I spoke to three consultants. I was put on herbal medicine (More Milk Plus) and then regalin (spelling?) by my OB. I drank a ton of walk and rested often. I double pumped every 2 hours for 15 minutes. I tried the nipple shield. I tried hot showers and breast massages before I pumped. I tried actually putting the twins on the breast. And every other suggestion in the world. Nothing happened. Nothing increased my supply.
After all of that my mother tells me that my paternal grandmother (who died when I was a small child) had the same issues. So I don’t know if it’s genetic or what. My OB also informed me that some women just have a physical problem breastfeeding. I am still trying to get over the guilt of it because I really wanted my twins to have my milk.
P.S. My twins are coming home from the NICU this Thursday! Sooo very excited!
March 14th, 2007 08:03
Please add this one to your list:
LCs are barred by their certifying organization from contradicting a physician, even if that physician is wrong. If you see a LC, do not tell her what your doctor told you. Get her opinion without that information.
March 18th, 2007 13:52
Fabulous. I wish I had some pregnant friends to forward this to–it should be required reading. I can’t wait to read the cloth diaper manifesto.
May 15th, 2007 18:47
Great post. I wish I’d know some of those things.
June 6th, 2007 11:18
Fabulous post. I linked to it on a message board I frequent, giving full credit to you.