Multiples Are NOT A Freakshow
The way some people behave when they see twins or triplets boggles the mind. What happened to basic courtesy? People behaving like this is why I don’t make eye contact in public anymore.
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March 13th, 2007 13:57
UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! I thought I had it bad when my ONE was little (the touchers drove me insane). I love Dad’s response to idiot who had the temerity to ask whether they were conceived naturally…”we just did it three times in one night”. CLASSIC. Now, I will admit that when my daughter sees babies (whether one, two, three, or twelve), she wants to stop and look and talk about how cute they are. She knows not to touch. I don’t stop her from admiring, but neither do I just stand around and waste the parents’ time with inane commentary. “You have a handful!” Yeah, and that’s so…original.
I am SO going to post this on my blog. People need to see this and take notes.
March 13th, 2007 14:33
(Visiting via SuperSnark.) Wow. People are such idiots.
March 13th, 2007 16:55
I am split. On one hand, I do get tired of strangers asking me if I was using fertility drugs. On the other hand, MULTIPLE CUTE BABIES IN ONE PLACE!! Who can resist? _I_ can’t even resist, and so I try to be sympathetic to the people who want to ask me how much my twins weighed, whether they’re fraternal or identical (they’re one boy and one girl), whether I ‘have my hands full,” etc.
And those triplet babies in their triplet stroller?? HOW CUTE IS THAT! It would be very, very hard not to stare and perhaps even follow in a riveted baby trance. But I would never, ever ask people such personal questions, and I would DEFINITELY never ever try to TOUCH a baby.
March 13th, 2007 17:52
I don’t know. I mean, this happens to us often enough and my kids are 5 and 12. Cute is cute. It’s human nature to want to be around it. Six-week-old triplets? If she didn’t expect or want the attention, maybe keeping them home is the better option.
(But the touching? Big no no)
March 13th, 2007 19:45
So remember how much you made me look forward to having kids when you were pregnant? Youre doing it again…
(please note the EXTREME sarcasm) lol
March 13th, 2007 20:53
Not to echo one of those obnoxious folks on the video, but I have twins and I thought *I* had it bad!
March 13th, 2007 21:56
Is this what I have to look forward to with twins? Do people really gawk like that at twins or is this kind of “celebrity” reserved for higher order multiples? Someone prepare me now because that would get old quickly for me.
Now the “three-lets” remark was cute though!
March 14th, 2007 04:56
This is EXACTLY how it is for us!!!!! I am going to post it on my blog too. I want my mom to see it. She is always telling me that it is my duty to let people look at my kids and that I should stop and talk to people. I avoid eye contact whenever we go out and it drives her nuts. SHE wants the attention and doesn’t understand why I don’t… Perhaps because it takes 3 hours to grovery shop with all of the curious onlookers? I have learned that making eye contact invites people to chat and stare. And yes, the most often heard phrase is “you have your hands full.” Second would be “TWO sets of twins?” And yes, it is that bad even with “just” twins.
March 14th, 2007 05:16
I haven’t found it to be as bad with twins as they have it with triplets in that video. People are more familiar with twins, so although there IS a fuss, it’s not like with CUTE BRAND-NEW BABY TRIPLETS! In a CUTE TRIPLET STROLLER! That really is something you don’t see every day. It seems almost mean to bait the public like that and then hate them for it. On the other hand, some of the public was really out of line, even in the face of overwhelming cuteness.
When my twins were newborns, we sometimes would get one person after another stopping to talk to us, but it wasn’t too bad. In fact, I found it kind of morale-boosting on those hard days. If I was feeling overwhelmed, I could go out with the twins and get lots and lots of people telling me how cute my babies were. That can be very affirming. And on the days I don’t feel like chatting, I can usually avoid most of it by not making eye contact. Also, it has lessened naturally as the twins have gotten older. I really don’t mind the attention, although it can get wearying to get the exact same kind of attention again and again. I’m not crazy about hearing, “Oh, a boy and a girl! So now you’re done!,” for example, especially if I have one of my other kids with me hearing how extraneous they are–or now, when I’m VISIBLY PREGNANT and so clearly NOT done. I know people don’t intend to be mean, though. I can get a little droolish and stoooopid in the face of cute babies, too.
March 14th, 2007 05:24
The stuff that really bothers me isn’t the “Oh, so cute” kind of comments because, well, babies are cute. Like Swistle, on days when I want to tear my hair out that kind of stuff can be very morale boosting.
People who ask about “natural?” or announce “double trouble” or tell me how they would just HATE having twins and that must be the absolute worst thing in the world, those people bug me. One woman, a total stranger who came up to me on the street, asked me if I breastfed. Boundaries, people, boundaries!
March 14th, 2007 05:26
I can understand the draw of multiples, especially cute ones (like mine!) but I do not understand the freakshow quality of it. Some people act like total nuts when they see it. And the personal questions drive me crazy. Give me a few more months and I swear I’m pulling out the “when was your last pap smear/colonoscopy” if I get the ‘natural’ question again. And I completely understand that woman’s paranoia-people are crazy and I’m totally afraid someone is going to touch and/or try to pick up one of mine. Personally I’m perfecting my blank look and my “I don’t see or hear you” face.
And I’m sorry-I don’t want to single anyone out but…FRINGES….Never leave the house? That’s absurd. Maybe she should just stop being so nice to people and hang a sign on the stroller that’s says “BACK THE F OFF”. It’s just as reasonable as not leaving the house to avoid the traveling freak show comments. Heck,a woman with triplets need to leave the house as much as she can. It can get awfully depressing and isolating to stay home as much as you do with multiples. I’m sorry but I don’t think having a 5 year old and a 12 year old give you the perspective of having multiples. You don’t know what someone goes through until you walk in their shoes. That said, before I had mine, I really didn’t know/didn’t even think about what was appropriate and what wasn’t with babies so I understand your perspective.
Thanks for posting that video-I can’t believe what that poor woman has to go through every time she leaves the house. I’m sending it to all my friends and family!
March 14th, 2007 05:57
I’m guilty of looking at babies, singletons, multiples; they’re babies and adorable. And I look, don’t touch and hopefully don’t stare.
The people withthe rude comments and questions, deserve a smack on the head. And the dad sounds like he has just the right way to handle them. My friend, who has b/g twins, was asked if they were “real twins.” She answered that no, they were imaginary.
March 14th, 2007 06:37
People can be rude, period. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with multiples. In the course of running a day care, I have at times gone to swimming lessons, etc with 6 or seven kids ranging from newborn (my own) to age 10 or so. I have been asked if I know about birth control. (Yes, do you know about good manners?) Many times I have heard “I HOPE they’re not all yours!” (I hope you’re not really that rude.) My favorites are the people who try to guess which are my “real” kids. My kids all look just like their father. No one has ever gotten it right. And that sort of hurts my kids feelings - to think that one of the rental kids looks more like they “belong” to their mommy. There is just something about a gaggle of kiddos that brings out the stupid in people. That doesn’t even take into account the number of strangers who rubbed my stomach while I was still pregnant. So, have faith all you multiple moms, you’re not necessarily being singled out. (pardon the pun)
March 14th, 2007 08:47
I have almost one year old b/g twins and it’s a freakshow from pg on. I got gawked at while pg, and we get gawked at now. People actually have tried to lift the cover on the infant seat (when they were little enough to be in the stroller in their infant seats) to see and touch them. I’m irritated on a daily basis by the ignorance of people. The people who say “so cute” or stupidly ask me if they are identical don’t bother me nearly as much as the pointing, staring, or downright rudeness. One lady (a stranger) in a restaurant TOUCHED MY DAUGHTER’S FACE. I feel like I”m on constant idiot patrol.
March 14th, 2007 10:14
Oh my!! That brave woman to take 6 week old triplets out!!
I hated all the attention, and I wouldn’t look at people when they wanted to catch my eye so they could see the babies. I got tired of the “oh you have your hands full”
“double trouble”
“are they natural?” (do people realize the type of question they are asking??)
Oh and I totally love the guys reply to the one guys question on the beginning “We did it three times in one night!” He acutally had the guts to do that!!
It gets easier as they get older, especially with b/g twins. I hardly get asked if they are twins when they aren’t in the double stroller. Lets face it, a double/triple stroller just askes for questions!! Try putting both of the babies in a cart, you can blend much easier!! LOL!
Try having 2 year old twins and a 3 month old…and the baby is crying….:D
Oh, Stace- I went private so if you want to read my blog, email me and I’ll add you to my list. I just don’t want my family (who find anything on the net) to find me!
March 14th, 2007 12:07
Yikes! Kori, I never said for her not to leave the house. I was just saying that six-week-old triplets at the zoo is a video experience waiting to happen, and she was ready for it with her own camera. If she didn’t want *that* type of attention, she should have stayed, if not home, away from the zoo.
Gosh, no, I don’t have multiples and I didn’t mean to imply I know anything about it. I was commenting on the video from my singlet perspective meaning: when I ran out of necessities when the kids were less than six weeks old, I ran in and out of the store with what I needed, making no eye contact. I didn’t have my daughter recording the trip during my leisurely stroll.
I always like to say that I don’t need to get hit by a bus to know that sh*t hurts. Sometimes, inference is enough.
March 14th, 2007 16:36
I understand your frustration. I get lots of stares and comments with my large family. They increased when I was pregnant with #5. Everyone thinks they can make comments about your reproductive life. It’s nuts! I think I will ask them why they only have 2 or some such thing! I consider you amazingly blessed. Thank you for sharing and may God give you grace to tackle each day with renewed strength. Isa. 40:31
March 15th, 2007 07:43
I’m going to see if I can borrow a tazer from my police friends from being a reporter. That way I’ll be ready for the crowds when the girls arrive.
“Are they natural?”
ZAP!
March 15th, 2007 11:57
What a great video, thanks for posting it.
My favorite comment:
“Give me a few more months and I swear I’m pulling out the “when was your last pap smear/colonoscopy” if I get the ‘natural’ question again.”
I LOVE it!
March 18th, 2007 20:12
I think that as a parent of multiples, you get numb to it over time. It’s very frustrating, especially in the beginning, the way people react. I try to bear in mind that many people are fascinated in a positive way - multiples are special and different, but that they do not articulate it well sometimes.
This video is taken at my local zoo…….so I’m curious if I actually know this mom.
March 19th, 2007 10:34
ROTFL, after watching that, my plan is to never leave the house with the twins.
Yeah, what is up with the ‘natural’ question? I get that SO often just being preggo and huge? I loved the guy’s response on the video!! Maybe i will borrow it, though it isn’t as funny with ‘just’ twins…
March 21st, 2007 18:09
I have never had bio triplets but I understand all the statments that you got in the video. We adopted some children and are going again. At one time I had so many close to the same size that people thought we had quads! It really is hard to not attract all the attention. May God bless you! Beth mom to 14.
March 26th, 2007 08:45
Oh my goodness! Wow! That video is amazing! If it helps, think about it this way…… all those stupid people were stupid BEFORE you showed up and they were stupid AFTER you left. Because of your statistically-unusual (yet completely normal) family, they all were compelled to “out” themselves as the idiots they really are!!!! All the other people at the zoo that day had a much harder time figuring out who the idiots were!
I have to say that I did laugh with (as opposed to at) the kid who said “three-lets”. That was priceless!!!!
Good luck and best wishes!
April 6th, 2007 11:15
I had two singletons, so I know that people want to acknowledge new babies. I read this and I want to know is there a correct response? Should we ignore new babies, single or otherwise? I mean, what could one say that would be appropriate?
April 13th, 2007 01:03
[…] on Fire, responding to Multiples are NOT a Freakshow, asked: I had two singletons, so I know that people want to acknowledge new babies. I read this and […]
June 6th, 2007 11:02
I’m sorry people are so inconsiderate. It doesn’t seem it would be that hard for people to keep their comments and hands to themselves, or at least restrain themselves to saying “they’re beautiful” or “congrats” and keep walking without interrupting your family time.
June 8th, 2007 07:46
Ya know, while I don’t agree with asking people “how” they were conceived………and touching the babies…and I believe there are nicer comments to make instead of “wow yer hands are full!”……….I agree with the whole “it’s mean to bait them” comment. COME ON! Your babies are cute! Is this some sort of surprise to you? Insted of making fun of people who OBVIOUSLY think your babies are cute (not a freakshow) why not just be proud? Or politely smile and nod and walk away. That’d be the adult thing to do. Stop making fun of people ya big bully.
June 8th, 2007 09:31
Kathy — you aren’t seriously suggesting that I, or this triplet family, should never go out because being in public is tatamount to inviting people to make inappropriate comments? Isn’t that argument a bit akin to the old, and long since discredited, “she was asking for it - look how she was dressed” line of thinking?
Or perhaps you are trying to say that I shouldn’t acknowledge, here, on this blog, that it is irritating when one person after another stops me when I am out, often trying to get things done in the window before a meltdown occurs? Each person (well, almost each) means well but the 15th “You have your hands full” or “double trouble” isn’t cute.
You might also consider that, just because some twin mothers (and mothers of many in other combinations) have done a virtual eye roll here at people’s rudeness doesn’t mean we aren’t perfectly gracious in public. I, for one, am always pleasant in public, even to people to go on and on about what a nightmare twins must be, and how if they had twins they’d want to die and so on and so on. Somehow, I don’t think those people are that interested in how cute the kids are…
June 8th, 2007 09:47
Nope. I’m not suggesting anything even close to that. Just don’t be surprised! I have twins. So……..I “get it”. I’ll roll my eyes at that. I’ve been asked all of the typical questions and I get “you have your hands full” all the time. Even at age 4. But I don’t make fun of people. There’s a line I just don’t cross and I didn’t make fun of people for just LOOKING. I
And I do think people are interested in how cute the babies are. I mean look at the stroller! Does it get much cuter than that?
Choose your battles people. Please.
June 8th, 2007 10:38
A double stroller, triple stroller, quad stroller are all gonna get attention. Period. You don’t want it, stay out of public places or figure out a way to make it least noticeable. (You could’ve carried one in a sling, so could’ve your husband and then put one in a single stroller.) You are blessed as a mom of multiples. People are generally curious. Some people are stupid and annoying, but most are just generally curious. You should feel proud. By the time your threesome is two or three or four years old, people won’t even know or care that they are triplets. So enjoy feeling like a superwoman now! Let people think what they want. Why do you care what they think?
June 8th, 2007 11:19
Kathy–I also have twins, and I am in total disagreement with you. As for choosing battles…I feel you’ve chosen wrong. You’ve chosen to not be aggravated by the 100 people who stop your stroller to ask about your twins. You’ve chosen not to be infuriated by the “better you than me” and “I’d kill myself if I had twins” comments. Good for you. Those of us who choose to go into public and just wish to be left alone, however, have every right to want and expect this. We’re no different than anyone else simply because the “cute factor” is elevated. I don’t stop parents of extra adorable singletons and pester them with questions about their children…why is the equation different when there’s more than one baby? I will say that I’m quite courteous to the kind people, as annoying as it is to be constantly stopped. Trying to educate the public that multiples are not, however, a sideshow attraction, is a very worthwhile cause in my book. As such, I feel this blog and this entry are serving a very worthwhile purpose.
I’m not entirely sure why you and Kay seem to think parents of multiples are “asking for it.” Isn’t that a mentality best left in the 60s? All we want is some peace while out in public. Perhaps you thrive on the attention, Kathy, but it’s unreasonable for you to expect that the rest of us to revel in the constant barrage of questions, comments and onlookers simply because you do. As for picking her battles…by being kind to the kind hearted souls who pester her, I’d say Stacie has chosen wisely.
June 8th, 2007 11:46
I think I’ve chosen quite wisely thank you very much. I’ve never said that I don’t get annoyed with stupid comments. I just don’t go to this extreme. Who says we all have to agree JUST because we have multiples? I’ve decided to voice my opinion just as everyone else has done her. I am a firm believer in choosing battles. I have chosen not to let people’s comments bother me to the extreme it bothers others and I think it’s a healthy choice.
June 8th, 2007 11:50
While I am not a parent of multiples, I am a parent. You have every right to be upset. I am probably guilty of doing just what some of the onlookers did in that video. Many times I have seen twins and stopped to look. I’ve never actually encountered a mom of triplets (or more) but I imagine I would probably stop and talk. I am just too curious for my own good. I have never touched, nor do I let people touch my babies.
Now.. the guy that walked by and said “HOLY SHIT!” I so would have turned around and beat him with my purse. That was so unbelievably uncalled for.
June 8th, 2007 12:11
Ah, but Jamie, I’m betting you say things like “Oh, how cute!” not “Oh my God, if I had twins/triplets I’d want to kill myself” or “How did you get twins? Are they natural?” The former is always well intentioned and, though it can be hard to get stuff done with more aggressive well wishers stopping you it isn’t maddening the way the latter stuff is.
Kathy — you think posting a blog entry (or a video as the actual triplet parents did) is going to extremes?
Kay — do you really think I, or other parents of multiple children, should stay home or that we are “asking for it” when we go out? That’s an…interesting perspective. Fucked up, but interesting.
June 8th, 2007 12:23
Kathy–what extreme are we going to? We’re nice to the kind hearted, and educate others online about how we feel when we are treated like this. How is this extreme? Seriously, I do not understand. You’re OK with the attention; we are not. No one is asking you to agree with us, but I am asking you now why requesting a level of peace and respect in public is going to an extreme.
Jamie–care to follow me around with your purse one day? I could use the back up.
June 8th, 2007 12:24
Stacie the curse isn’t necessary. I agree with you though. We shouldn’t have to stay home. But I do support my view of “get used to it.” It’s not going to stop. I’ve had harsh comments myself. I say “better me than you.” Reverse psychology my dears.
And yeah, the video posted was a little extreme. Sorry, once again, just my opinion. I’ll say it again, just because I have multiples, doesn’t mean there’s some underlying rule that means I have to agree with you all.
June 8th, 2007 12:28
One of the lovely things about paying for my own bandwidth is I get to swear whenever I want to.
June 8th, 2007 12:33
The video is extreme people. And I think getting “infuriated” is extreme. You’re all kidding yourselves if you think didn’t gasp when the lastest 7-tuplet documentary was aired on TDC. And if you saw them strolling in the mall you’d probably do the same thing.
This whole thing is really making me laugh now. Didn’t want to stir things up. Just voice my opinion. There’s got to be another mother of multiples that isn’t as bothered by these things as I am? Maybe I’m not the normal one here???
June 8th, 2007 13:33
Kathy–no one is asking you to agree with us. I’m not sure where you’re getting that. I’m surprised you don’t, but I certainly don’t think you should *have* to.
June 8th, 2007 17:01
Stacie, you obviously don’t like someone who gives you another opinion. I’m sorry I don’t see what you are doing as a “good” thing. MOST of those people really did nothing wrong. They were amazed, in shock, in awe. Some of them were a little crazy, but CLUE TO YOU if you haven’t figured it out at this point in time - there are other crazy people out there!!
There ARE other moms of multiples out there who don’t feel the way that you do. And I think you may be scaring other new moms of mults-to-be by saying these people are horrible for just being curious?? I’m a mom of 5 yr old twins and I still am in awe of baby twins, trips etc. I miss that time as might other people.
You don’t have to stay inside. But like I said before, there are TONS of other ways you could’ve gone about taking your babies out in public to LIMIT the touching and oohing/aaahhing. I’m not saying it’s right for some of these people to follow you around. You also coulda just told them to cut it out. Put a sign on the stroller that says “do not touch if you want to keep your limbs.” Something to that effect.
When your kids are 2 or 3 or whatever no one will care you have triplets and probably not even believe you if they are all different sizes etc. So ya just have to hang in there a few more years.
I don’t know why you are getting all fired up. Swearing and all? Not necessary really. I am just giving you another opinion as was Kathy. Sorry you feel you have to be on the defensive. We all “get it” and how you feel, but you are taking it to the extreme IMO. But that’s what the 5th ammendment is all about right?
June 9th, 2007 11:40
I am a mother of twins and I just wanted to send hugs ot you. It is so hard to get used to the “freak show” you feel like when you go in public.
To me the most invasive and stupid comment is “Are they natural”? What in the world gives you the right to think my sex life or fertility is any of your business - is what you want to say. I tell everyone that yes, they are natural, but now due to your husbands AWESOME comment. From now on, I will say - yes, we did it twice in one night. GREAT!
It is amazing the people that will come up and touch them too. I used to get so upset at people. Our babies are 11 mos old and we still get tons of attn when we go out.
Good luck to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 9th, 2007 12:54
Since I have left up the comments that disagree with me I hardly think anyone can reasonably claim I object to differing opinions.
Mine remains that asking intrusive, inappropriate questions of strangers is rude and that neither I, nor anyone else, should have to tolerate rudeness as the price for going out in public.
You might try paying a little closer attention and noting that this blog is called “The Twinkies” and is about TWINS. I have twins. The video is not of me, but is a public video from YouTube which illustrates the problems multiple families (and, as several earlier comments have pointed out, anyone with many children) face in public.
Also, the fifth amendment protects a person against having to testify against him or herself in a court of law. The first amendment protects freedom of speech.
I could go on. For example, no one who has disagreed with you has claimed to be “infuriated” by the attention. However, your inability to get simple facts right makes discussion with you pointless and suggests that you are either unintelligent or a troll.
Though, I am amused that anyone who claims that being constantly pestered in public doesn’t upset her could get their panties in such a twist over the phrase “fucked up.” You might try reading the post “Fucking Hippies” if you want to see what I am like when I am fired up.
June 9th, 2007 12:56
SMN — Though we have never replied “We did it twice in one night” I have just come out and said to “Do twin run in your family?” “No, but they ran in the drugs.” However, that was to a family friend who we knew well. In general I make a point to not engage with the intrusive weirdos on the street. I just smile and move on.
June 9th, 2007 14:55
I think it’s all in the attitude of the mom…if you feel like you’re seen as a “freakshow” and that you didn’t ask for this and feel as if you’ve been cursed to be thrown into a world of “idiots and rude people” when you didn’t ask for it, then that’s you’re problem.
There’s another way to go with it, though. Embrace it. Rub it off as curiosity - most of those people had HUGE smiles on their faces - they weren’t being rude…and even when people say “better you than me” take it as a compliment! …or brush it off!
I have ident boys who are 5 and I just don’t remember being upset by the comments or the curiosity…when they were infants - or even now! What’s the big deal? No one said it’s a “freakshow”…the poster of the video did. Honestly I think THAT’S the sad part…
And I would also suggest that moms who don’t like this “spotlight” figure out a way to deal with it so that when the kids get old enough to understand that you can explain the “curiosity” factor in a positive way so that *THEY* don’t feel they are seen as a “freakshow” - and deal with it positively.
Lighten up.
June 9th, 2007 15:29
Since we’re all OK with swearing on here, I’ll share what my uncle (father of triplets) says when people ask him how they were conceived:
“Don’t you fuck your wife/husband?”
Priceless.
Those of you who like the attention–no one is demonizing you for it. Revel in it as you will. I cannot, however, fathom why you feel so defensive about those of us who just want people to leave us alone. Overreacting, underreacting; tomato, tomAto. C’est la vie. Attacking us for not wanting the attention seems rather hypocritical…and trollish, though.
June 9th, 2007 16:51
My boy/girl twins will be 5 next week. I was always bothered by the “double the trouble” remark or people asking if I had two boys because my daughter was bald (even though they were both decked out in pink and blue). In regards to the “are they natural?” comment, I wouldn’t have been offended because my twins are drug induced (the response I give to “do twins run in your family?”) and they are a HUGE miracle! We had one fertility dr tell us we wouldn’t get pg with my eggs and that IVF wasn’t an option for us. Well, imagine our suprise (and his!) that we were blessed with two beautiful healthy children. I love to share my stories with others. While it was strange for it to be an older man to ask, I usually found that the ones who asked me if they were natural were other women struggling with infertility; they are just looking for hope.
June 9th, 2007 18:16
I’m not aying I “like” the attention…or that I “dislike” it…I’m saying - that as with all things in life - there are things to worry about and things that life “throws” at you (or blesses you with
) and you should learn to deal with it in a POSITIVE was for the sake of your children and your SANITY! and not call others rude or moronic for being curious.
How is that “trollish”? Why is it that I am called “troll like” for sharing my opinion but if I was walking around feeling like the world was looking at me and my boys like freaks then I’d be “ok”?
And honestly - like some others have pointed out - how can one go into public with a huge ass (see, I can cuss, too…lol) stroller and NOT expect to get some sort of attention? I think it was the stroller that caused more attention than the babies inside it.
just my opinion, though.
June 9th, 2007 23:29
All of us multiple moms are just whores then. (Going back to your “she was asking for it - look how she was dressed” line of thinking comment.) If you look the part, you are the part. You ARE a multiple mom and you will get attention one way or another. Whether you like it or not is up to you. What you DO about it is up to you. How you TAKE it is up to you. How you pass that feeling off to others is up to you.
June 10th, 2007 00:28
I absolutely love the replies given by Tra, Kathy and Kay. *applause* If anyone is going to make those kids feel like freakshows, it is their parents for making a big fuss over well meaning, curious folks looking. No, people absolutely should not touch, and some comments can be rude, but my gosh, get real. If you had a really pretty dress on people may point and talk. Give me a break. And “extra adorable singleton”??? I have a single and believe it or not, I get comments quite often. How old is he…he is adorable…is he in school yet…yadda yadda. It is a conversation starter and I feel proud that other people think my angel is as precious as I do. It’s a compliment for Pete’s sake! I comment to people about their babies. Not just multiples. Ya know, there are cute kids out there who don’t have mirror images. Are the parents of adorable singletons who receive comments and points less of a victim? Just curious. Do you feel more victimized because you have multiples?
It’s just laughable that people would make such a big fuss over something that is absolutely human. If you see a cute puppy, you pet it right? You see a someone with outrageous hair, you point. Different reactions….but the principle is the same. If people see something cute or different, of course they are going to be curious. It doesn’t mean they are horrible folks for being interested. Did you get attention when you were pregnant? Did it bother you? I’m guessing yes.
Hell, you (generally speaking) take a stroller with three infants and of course people are going to point and stare. It’s interesting. It’s not something you see everyday. Obviously she wanted the attention or she wouldn’t be out with three almost newborns. I mean really…..were they enjoying all of the zoo festivities? I doubt it. Seriously, watching that made me want to hurl. Hell, almost ALL babies get that “Oh how cute” commenting and looking. Babies are wonderful. So of course someone with 3 identical babies is going to be looked at. You can either get all defensive and whiney….or you can take it for what it is…..a compliment!!!!! It’s all in the attitude, and if someone tends to dwell on it like it is a curse….then the kids will adopt that same attitude.
June 10th, 2007 15:04
Well stated, Den!
June 10th, 2007 21:58
Kathy, I totally agree with you. Some of these ladies are WAY too sensitive.
June 10th, 2007 22:25
I think the issue some of the multiples moms have is not that someone wants to look at their cute babies. It’s that almost EVERY SINGLE PERSON we pass wants to stop us and ask questions. Sometimes very personal questions. I don’t mind people looking, the staring is a little unnerving though. It’s hard to be shy when you have multiples because everyone will talk to you. It’s hard to go places when you’ve got 4 kids going 4 directions and a sweet old lady wants to chit chat while your kids are taking off. Some can handle it, some can’t. My mom actually loves the attention she gets when she’s out with my kids. I think if she dealt with it everyday she’d feel differently though…
And I’m like Stacie. I’m never rude to anyone IRL. I always smile and thank them when they say my kids are cute. I answer their questions and do the old smile & nod when they say I have my hands full. You’d never know it bothers me. But online is the one place where we can vent to other moms who “get it.”
June 10th, 2007 22:43
You know, it strikes me as amusing and somewhat odd that people are choosing to come to someone’s own website, which she pays money to host, to tell her that she’s being too sensitive. Why waste that energy? If you’re so het up about having your own opinions, I don’t understand why you don’t publish them yourselves.
At any rate, regarding the insensitive comments: sometimes there’s a perfectly logical explanation for why people make insensitive comments - in this case, they’re so taken away with the “novelty” of twindom/multiples that they cannot help themselves but to ask questions which show how poorly developed socially they are, or maybe they’re charmed by the dazzling grins of your babies, and can’t help but ask those probing questions. There’s a perfectly logical explanation, I’m *sure*, but when it comes down to it, it still bites, regardless.
June 10th, 2007 22:47
You see a someone with outrageous hair, you point.
Actually, no, I wouldn’t. I was taught it was rude to point at people or make comments about people on the street.
June 10th, 2007 23:41
Kay.. you actually publicly admit you’re a whore?
June 11th, 2007 01:01
I also agree that the commenters coming on here and overreacting to honest frustration about being pestered rudely in public are the ones who can’t accept someone else’s opinion and need to learn to pick battles. Especially to tell people not to curse (hello, are we in Sunday School all of a sudden?) and then telling them to be tolerant of people saying “Holy Shit!” at their kids?
Seems to me like you all are stretching to 1. pick a useless battle to tell people not to be bothered by something offensive and irritating to them and 2. being hypocritical by overreacting yourselves.
As someone else said, write all over your own blogs about how much YOU PERSONALLY welcome all sorts of ignorant comments about your multiples. Not just the cute innocent admiration, which I am sure everyone on here responds to well. In fact, no one on here has said they condone responding in an extreme way even to the most offensive comments other than by making a joke. And while you are at it, write about how it really frosts your shorts when grumpy intolerant mom-of-multiples don’t like it, and Maude forbid if they express their opinion about it! Complete strangers - SURE! Opinions about multiples welcome, including that they are trouble or will make your life hell. Moms who have to live the life everyday, well, as the comments wear on, it seems like some of you are blaming these honestly exasperated parents for making their kids hate being multiples! Talk about extreme reactions….
June 11th, 2007 09:03
I’m honestly amazed at the hostility being expressed here. I’m really not so sure why anyone is getting their panties in a twist because some mothers say that they don’t like having their babies pointed at and being the brunt of ignorant comments. If it doesn’t bother you, great! The point Stacie was making to begin with was that it does bother her and that she finds other people’s rudeness unnecessary. Looks like some of you felt the need to jump on the rudeness bandwagon.
As for the comment about seeing someone with weird hair and pointing, well, yeah, that’s just rude too. I’m guessing manners were not really dealt with in your families if you think pointing at people in public and making inappropriate comments should be socially acceptable.
The other thing to consider is that EVERY ONE of these mothers who has complained about the inappropriate comments made by strangers has said that they react with courtesy and politeness in the face of these gawkers. What’s the problem with that? No one was suggesting that multiple mothers should bitch slap (oh, god no, I cursed. How dare I?!?) the people who make these statements. However, they did feel like they could come to a blog and share their irritations with someone who obviously felt the same way. Is that not allowed?
No, I don’t have multiples so, no, it is not something I’m used to seeing. That doesn’t mean that every time I see a parent of twins or triplets I feel the need to say, “My, you must really have your hands full!” or “Oh, I’d kill myself if that happened to me!” Those are the kinds of purely ignorant comments Stacie was complaining about. Everyone appreciates “what a cute baby” comments, maybe not when you’re in a mad rush to get somewhere, but I doubt severely Stacie was trying to say that she never wants anyone to compliment her children again.
Get a grip people. If you don’t like it that other mothers are bothered by senseless and thoughtless comments, fine. Every person out there is entitled to his or her opinion. But haranguing a person for venting in her OWN forum? Really? I suppose she should just keep her opinions to herself? Yeah, that’s not overreacting either.
June 11th, 2007 09:13
Oh yes, and to respond to the comment about being a spectacle because she’s using a double stroller… You’re kidding me that anyone would think that by using a double stroller a person is purposely seeking comments and attention. Someone mentioned that if she wants to avoid such attention she should wear one baby and push the other or have her husband push one and she push another.
First of all, it’s not always possible to only leave the house when you have someone else to help you with the kids. Should mothers of multiples not wanting inappropriate comments never leave the house without backup? Is that really what you’re suggesting?
Secondly, I get funny looks from people on the street for wearing my ONE baby all the time. You honestly think that by wearing one and pushing the other in a stroller she’s going to get FEWER comments? Highly doubtful.
June 11th, 2007 09:15
Hilary, I think I love you.
Those of you who like the attention are getting awfully defensive. Really now, wouldn’t it just be easier to post signs on your strollers and on your older children asking passers by to ask questions and to give you the attention you crave? You’re mothers of multiples, after all! You should demand the attention you’re not getting! You can then enjoy all of the undeserved comments, etc. that result from the whims of science and nature, since you don’t seem to be getting enough attention for your actual person or accomplishments. I like this idea…this way, the 5% of multiple parents who like the attention get it and distract the masses from the rest of us, who can go then go about our business in peace. I may not like the attention, but many of you seem very judged by the fact that we’re stating this. I think you should look inwards to see where this is coming from. If the attention works for you that’s fine, but berating us because it doesn’t? That’s your baggage, and it bears inspection. You’re not OK with another opinion? That’s shows pretty plainly it’s not about us, it’s about you.
As for pointing at someone with funny hair…I find it interesting that someone who speaks of this as normal behavior is giving me pointers on social acceptability. The same goes for pointing and staring at triplets as normal behavior–you’re honestly telling me that you have good advice on how to deal with the public and raise socially aware children? Laughable, indeed.
I have to ask…what board did this get linked to that’s bringing this gang out of the woodwork?
June 11th, 2007 09:30
As far as I can tell our little corner of the Internet came to the attention of The Outlaw Sisterhood and Chatty Moms in that there have been referrals from those sites out of the blue the last few days. I have never installed quality stats software so I can’t get more detailed than that. At least they aren’t from Earthy Mamas 1 or Earthy Mamas 2.
June 11th, 2007 09:47
Don’t forget TMMB either. There’s a full fledge 2 page post going there too.
And yes, I am a “whore.” I dress the part of a multiple mom and am proud to bear my double stroller for all to see. 
June 11th, 2007 09:58
Kay–no one has called you a whore. It was the your logic that we are asking for the attention by virtue of going out in public as multiple moms that brought about the comparison. If you want to call yourself one, have at it, but in doing so you entirely missed the point of our end of the argument. I hope.
June 11th, 2007 10:24
“It’s not something you see everyday.”
Well, for moms of multiples, it IS something we see everyday. That scene at the zoo happens every single time I go out with the twins. To the grocery store, to the mall, to Target, to the zoo, walking around my own neighborhood. Everywhere. It’s not a one time thing. It’s not someone stopping to say how cute they are. It’s every single time we leave the house. It’s when I put one in a cart and wear one. It’s when we use two single strollers. It’s when they are dressed differently. It’s always. And that’s what’s so draining.
June 11th, 2007 10:25
Whoo hoo!
What a zinger of a discussion. Some people like attention, some people don’t. Some people are rude, some people are not.
Wow, man. What a great reason to get pissed off at one another.
June 11th, 2007 10:51
OMG people. Is this discussion for real?
I am the mom of 1 year old B/G twins. From the moment people discover you are pg with twins to the end of time, people assume multiples means public domain. I was touched, gawked at, etc… while pregnant. I guess I shouldn’t have gone out in public at 31 weeks to celebrate my friend’s birthday because I was asking for it wasn’t I?
Now, it’s 10 times worse. Do I care that people say they are “so cute”? Absolutely not. Do I care that some yahoo at the store came fleeing from an entire parking lot away to actually try and pull the canopy back on my twin infants asleep in their stroller - you f’ing bet your a**. Never in a million years would I do that. Do I care that people say stupid things? Sure. And I usually will either be nice and smile and walk away, or I’ll politely correct whatever idiotic thing they’ve said. “Identical twins, how cute!” “Fraternal, it’s a boy and a girl.” “But they look so much alike!” “Not in their diaper they don’t.”
But I digress. The reality here is this is Stacie’s blog. She can say whatever the flip she wants to about the subject, and you are all free to disagree with her. But attacking and saying she “asks” for it or shouldn’t go out in public if she doesn’t want the attention is tantamount to saying that she just needs to keep her freakshow locked up at home. Come on.
Stacie, if it’s worth anything, as a twin mom, I agree with you, wholeheartedly. Maybe the rest of these weirdos need to keep their freakshow at home.
Kim from FF…
June 11th, 2007 11:02
Alice, I love you too!
Kay…there is nothing wrong with being proud of having multiples. And, again, no one called you a whore except you, but way to focus on something that isn’t the main point of the conversation. Someone was just pointing out that no one is “asking for it” when they are treated rudely, just like women who are sexually attacked aren’t “asking for it” and aren’t “whores”. Way to go overboard to make this discussion more argumentative than it is, again.
It was a simple vent about people being rude. Those people at the zoo are still rude. I am glad you love the attention, even the rude attention, but please don’t pretend than parents of multiples who are sick of being bombarded by rude people and are venting on a blog are somehow out of line, but your comments to their face aren’t.
June 11th, 2007 12:12
I have newborn twins, and so far I dig the attention. It will get old at times, but I think most people are just curious. As long as they express that curiousity safely and polietly, I’m cool with it. I get mad, of course, when they aren’t polite, but that pisses me off in general and not whether or not it involves the twins.
It’s really up to the person. You aren’t going to stop people from being curious, and most people generally are clueless and therefore probably rude, so why worry about it? Yet that’s my philosophy; I understand when others get frustrated.
June 11th, 2007 12:25
“It’s just laughable that people would make such a big fuss over something that is absolutely human. If you see a cute puppy, you pet it right? You see a someone with outrageous hair, you point. Different reactions….but the principle is the same. If people see something cute or different, of course they are going to be curious. It doesn’t mean they are horrible folks for being interested.”
1. No, I typically don’t pet a puppy just because it’s cute. First of all, that’s a good way to get bitten. Secondly, I always ask permission first of the owner and only if I don’t feel like it would be an imposition for me to interrupt what the owner is doing for me to pet their dog. Usually, I just look, smile, and go on my business happy knowing that such cuteness exists in the world. I don’t need to know how the owner got the puppy, what the gender is, or if the puppy is a “handful.”
2. No, if I see someone with outrageous hair, I don’t point. Like Stacie, I was taught at a very early age that it is rude to point at people for any reason. Of course, my husband spent the better part of the past four years with hair dyed various shades of blue, purple, and green. There is an inherent difference between people who go out of their way to dress in an outlandish style (or wear their hair that way) and people who go out in public with twins/trips/etc. The guy with the multi-colored hair styled like he just walked out of DragonballZ or the girl decked out in her Hot Topic new goth-punk finest did so with the sole intention of attracting attention and making you look. Trust me on this. When adults would tell their young children not to stare at S’s purple hair, he would politely point out that he knows his hair is purple, he did it on purpose, and it’s ok if they look at it. Moms of multiples didn’t carry and give birth to multiples for the purpose of having strangers stare, point, interrupt their daily lives. The difference between the two is huge.
I don’t think any of the moms who fervently wish they could take their twins/trips/quads/etc to the grocery store for a quick gallon of milk and a couple of boxes of diapers mind the people who glance over and smile or point out the babies to someone else. It’s the ones who feel the need to get in their way, taking up the all-too-precious time available to get in and out of the store, just to make some inane comment. The family in the video didn’t consist of just the babies. There were older children too. Should the older kids be required to stay at home as well, if that’s what the mother should do to avoid the people who don’t have the basic manners to leave a family alone? Surely, families with multiples deserve to be able to take a trip to the zoo on a sunny day and watch the monkeys IN the cages without being pestered by the monkeys allowed to wander freely.
Hell, I haven’t made it to the other side of my journey to have children, but I can’t tell you how it pisses me off everytime I tell someone that we’re doing IVF and they feel the need to “warn” me that twins are more common. Yes, I could keep the IVF to myself, but I chose not to, for very valid reasons too numerous to get into here. That doesn’t mean I need to be told a bazillion times “Uh-oh! You KNOW twins are more likely if you do IVF, right? Talk about trouble!” When someone talks about any other medical treatment they are going through, no one feels the need to point out possible outcomes, positive or negative in that nasally, sing-song voice. (Sorry, Stacie, I got a bit off track with that last bit. I think I found the topic of my next blog entry.)
Anyway, this whole long rant basically boils down to…those of you who have multiples and enjoy the constant ego stroking…good for you! Go out, enjoy, take three hours to run a one hour errand, never get to finish a sentence in public again but grant those who find it abso-fucking-lutely bat-shit annoying the right to gripe about it in their paid-for blog. As long as they aren’t hauling off and sucker punching the next person who asks them “Are they natural?” for the 1,247th time, I say they can gripe about it in a twins blog all they want.
June 11th, 2007 12:54
I had to laugh at that too! Now that our kids are nearly four it doesn’t happen as much, but yeah when they were babies it was impossible to do anything!! And i always found it really BOLD that people would ask if it was natural. Like none of your damn business!
June 11th, 2007 13:50
Paige says “Every person out there is entitled to his or her opinion. But haranguing a person for venting in her OWN forum? Really? I suppose she should just keep her opinions to herself? Yeah, that’s not overreacting either.” Alice says “I have to ask…what board did this get linked to that’s bringing this gang out of the woodwork?” Allison says “those of you who have multiples and enjoy the constant ego stroking…” Kim says “Maybe the rest of these weirdos need to keep their freakshow at home.” And many other lovely little digs…
Who is haranguing whom? Who is overreacting? Isn’t EVERYONE entitled to their own opinion? Or is it just those who agree with Stacie?
June 11th, 2007 14:02
Actually, I stated many, many times that I feel it’s OK for people to like the attention, just as it’s OK for me to dislike it. No one on the dislike side is demanding that anyone agree with us; we’re requesting that we be allowed to vent about how obnoxious we find the attention to be. As for my comment about where people came from, I think it’s very relevant considering there were no responses to this entry for 3 months, and the a group came in a rush with voices of dissent. Clearly this was linked elsewhere, which led to my question of where. Where a post is linked has a direct effect on the tone of the discussion, as it brings people of a certain group or range of interest.
As for the ego stroking bit, I am beginning to believe that that’s what some people here are looking for in their real lives. I can think of no other reason why they feel so defensive about those of us who don’t like the public attention. It has to be some (perhaps misplaced) feelings of discomfort on the topic, because it’s clearly not about us at heart. The aggressiveness of their responses has made that clear. And before the aggressiveness of those with my views is pointed out, yes, it is about personal feelings of discomfort when we are harrassed in public–hence the original entry.
June 11th, 2007 14:04
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Any opinion you write will be posted, unless you (whoever you are) are nasty to a regular reader. You can be a bitch to me, but attacks on people I converse with regularly by total strangers will be removed. Just thought I would make that clear.
Though, I have noticed that the people who came out of the woodwork just for this post seem to be unable to respond to substantive disagreements with their point of view but rather nitpick the petty stuff.
June 11th, 2007 14:22
Just to clarify, my statement on “the rest of these weirdos need to keep their freakshow at home” was a device used to show how seriously out of whack the responses to Stacie’s initial post were being. Why would anyone say, “If you don’t like the attention stay home?” in response to the rude and ignorant kind of attention multiple moms receive? Seriously? I’m asking. Should mom’s with disabled children keep them home so they don’t get rude comments? (Don’t flame me, I’ve got twins, I’m not saying it’s the same as having disabled children, just trying to draw some parallels). Should chemo patients who’ve lost their hair stay home to avoid the stares and comments? Because, really, if they got out without a scarf or a wig, they’re just asking for it right?
Should my partner and I not go out with our children because people are rude to gay and lesbian parents? It’s much better to teach our children that hiding from things makes them better, right?
OBVIOUSLY some of us are able to see that differences of opinion are what make this world great. But there are differences of opinion and there is telling someone to shut up and deal with it. Gosh, if everyone who didn’t like what happened in the world just shut up and dealt with it, women wouldn’t be able to vote, African American’s would still be enslaved, and only men would own land.
June 11th, 2007 14:39
Geez, this discussion is really bizarre….i could say alot, but i think i will go clean my basement instead….
June 11th, 2007 14:44
Must join Kate and be productive. Alas, laundry beckons. I’ll add this link to a newer video by this mom. She makes great kid videos.
June 11th, 2007 14:56
We don’t like the attention, Alice. I think you are missing the point… there is not a “like” and a “dislike” side. We just don’t let the comments bother us much. And we don’t hesitate to state “sorry, in a rush today, can’t stop to chit-chat” as needed. There are so many other things in this world to get worked up about. I don’t believe someone smiling and saying “boy, you’ve got your hands full” is a reason to fret.
On the other hand, if that comment does bother you, or someone makes a really rude comment (i.e. “holy shit, look at that”), then you should not just grit your teeth and internalize the anger. Say something! Teach them to be more respectful in the future. It might not work, but then again, it might help them to understand and think before they speak.
Is that better, Stacie?
June 11th, 2007 15:17
Makes sense to me, Sarah. I don’t think anyone joined this thread to troll or cause controversy. I, for one, just offered my opinion that it’s better to embrace it than worry about it and go home a cry because people notice you a little more than you’d like.
Hopefully everyone’s read through these with an open mind and have started to look at the issue a little more carefully.
June 11th, 2007 15:21
Sarah — Wll said and clearly delineated. I don’t wholly agree with some of your assumptions, but I cannot fault your clarity or reasonable delivery.
June 11th, 2007 15:29
I said I was polite to those who were kind to me. I never said I didn’t respond to those who were rude, nor do I just go home and cry about it because I don’t care to deal with comments as they happen. I’m not sure where go got that from, Tra. Seriously, going home to cry about it? By which you mean, I’m pretty sure, this blog entry? Venting about uncomfortable situations and having an inability to deal with them IRL are two entirely different things.
June 11th, 2007 17:22
Well, holy shit, Stacie!
Personal questions and insulting comments from total strangers = inexcusable. Period. It is exactly the type of rude thing that someone who could commiserate might like to bring up in her own blog, which she pays for herself, on which she is free to express herself however she sees fit as per the FIRST amendment. Stacie’s blog = Stacie gets to say what she likes. And swear occasionally, if only to make me proud!
I can only hope that some of the people who read this and are guilty of the same awful behavior in public will now modify that behavior. They know who they are, and I’d bet some of this is just the defense of a guilty conscience. The idea that moms of multiples should go to any lengths to deflect the attention of invasive idiots? Are you kidding me? No, I’d say the onus is on society to stop tolerating stupidity at its worst. Calling people on their behavior is the only way to stop the behavior.
June 11th, 2007 18:33
Heck yeah it strokes my ego to have people ooohing over my twins! I might as well get something out of me not sleeping!
June 11th, 2007 21:13
At the end of the video she says she went home and cried about it. I thought that was an overreaction to the day she had….but then again - I remember when my two were infants - I cried a lot, too - over things I look back on and see - now - in the long run - as trivial.
June 12th, 2007 00:39
I don’t see anything odd about being exasperated with public intrusion into one’s daily life, but I find the video itself to be problematic. Two things are suspect in this video:
1. That it exists. Beginning at the parking lot, the video was of people ogling the triplets, not the triplets themselves, parents or other family members (or animals for that fact)–this is not an example of your ordinary family outing video, but a video with the express intention of showing public reaction to multiples, rendering the self pity throughout rather self-indulgent. The opening text says, “we thought it would be interesting to video tape the experience” so the producer admits as much.
2. Why are six week old twins going to the zoo? What are they going to do or see? Could anyone in their right mind possibly imagine it would be fun? I like to get out as much as anyone, but with multiples, I find it easier to stay sequestered.
There is no such thing as a “quick trip” to the grocery store or Target, even if the place is totally devoid of other people. I tried it, only to find that after I had gone through the trouble to get to the damn department store, I would have to leave my babies unattended in their stroller in the main aisle, if I wanted to get to the clothes. So I went home with nothing accomplished after what felt like a colossal effort. I had a similar experience at my favorite mom/pop grocer–I couldn’t get through the door, because it was partially blocked by a rack of candy bars.
99% of stores must be in violation of People with Disabilities Act, since my twin stroller is narrower than a wheelchair, but cannot enter nor navigate through many a public place. I try to leave the kids at home or ask other people to run errands for me, which is not to say I think this is the course of action others should take.
As a videographer, I’d like to point out that the presence of the video camera is signifying that there is a subject worth looking at. So, in that way, they are asking for it, which of course should not be interpreted as me saying that all mothers of multiples are asking for attention.
Furthermore, culturally, baby strollers are as much a device for the display of babies as for locomotion. Anyone who has multiples knows that they certainly aren’t for convenience or ease of use. You can’t really maneuver the darn things. Let’s just face it, strollers are basically baby vitrines, even for singletons. Of course, multiples are more interesting. As humans we long to form meaningful connections with someone in our lifetime, and multiples are lucky to be born with such a connection. Who wouldn’t be fascinated? Those “rude” people were hungry for some of that magic to rub off on them. The comments are clearly an inane attempt to delay the departure of those mythical creatures.
I would like to note that there are three adults in the video. The camera person, sister to the triplets, was old enough to be mistaken for mother. If they had each chosen to carry a baby, in a pack or sling, no one would have batted an eyelash. Babies safely tucked into the personal space of each adult wouldn’t have been approached.
It irks me to see the little babies used as a spectacle. The “Thanks for watching” at the end of the video is ironic since the point is to complain of being looked at. The attitude of the whole thing is uncharitable. Many of the people being criticized never approached or commented, they just looked.
I too avert my eyes when my twins are in their stroller, in shame, that I have put them in a contraption that begs people to come over and comment, when I don’t have the time or energy to respond. Not to imply others should also feel likewise.
June 12th, 2007 12:57
I am a mom of twins (15 months old) who also avoides eye contact and “conversation” in public. I cannot stand “You sure have your hands full” remarks from complete strangers who then proceed to ignore the true reality and never offer to actually hold open a door or carry a grocery bag for me. And staying home with my “freak show” isn’t an option and also would deprive my twins and older daughter a normal life. Why is it that the general public can’t let us grocery ship or go to the park in peace? I know multiples are not everywhere, but I wish they didn;t invite scrutiniy into my reproductive practices, labor experience, and other privtae issues.
June 12th, 2007 15:14
Chris,
I find it interesting you think that it’s the sister’s responsibility to carry one of the triplets on an outing. Many families do not automatically assume older children should care for younger siblings - lots of them enjoy letting their children be children. I don’t believe the one with the video camera was technically an “adult” but I could be wrong…it’s been awhile since I watched it.
I also would like to argue the point that the presence of a video camera shows there’s something to be looked at. I agree to the point that to the VIEWER of the video, there is something to see — not to the people in the zoo. Walking around with a video camera at a zoo in and of itself does not make you a spectacle, it makes you a tourist.
I think the point that they went out with the express goal of videotaping people’s responses does not say anything negative. It likely says that they’ve attempted a few outings and dealt with this already in the babies’ short 6 weeks and were trying to prove a point.
Lastly, I think that the question of why are they at the zoo — you yourself mentioned older children — should they have left the babies at home to take the older kids to the zoo? When my twins were that little, we took them (and still do, within reason) everywhere.
You’re right, I’ve been saying for a year that most stores must be in violation of the ADA because my stroller doesn’t fit either, but it doesn’t stop me from bringing my twins out and about.
Anyway, just thought I had different slant on your observations.
June 12th, 2007 15:50
I find it interesting that a video would bring this heated a response.
I think they were trying to show how difficult it is to get stuff done when people stop you a billion times. It’s frustrating. I like talking to the people, sometimes we make people smile and that’s good. But when all three (a singleton and twins, 17 months apart) are screaming at me and I’m out of milk, all I want to do is get into the store, and get out of the store. Sometimes I don’t have the option of leaving the kids at home and I have to take them out. I’ve learned to budget my time to include stopping and talking to people. And, if I’m in a hurry, I keep saying to my two year old “Hurry, we have to go make Dad supper!” really loudly so that people don’t stop us.
Don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess what I’m saying is to each their own. Everyone handles the attention differently. When I first saw this video, I thought “Oh, thank God! That happens to other people too!” I was not expecting all of the comments. I’m used to twins, I kind of thought everyone else was too. Now that the boys are older less people stop us and the questions/comments have changed. It’s not as overwhelming as it was. Maybe that’s how the family felt too.
June 12th, 2007 15:56
Chris:
“Furthermore, culturally, baby strollers are as much a device for the display of babies as for locomotion. Anyone who has multiples knows that they certainly aren’t for convenience or ease of use.”
I LOVE my strollers. All of them (I have three doubles). Each are easy to use and give me the ability to take my children to the park or the store. Without them I would be at home, unable to talk to adults. My suggestion to you is to research other strollers to find one that fits your needs. It needn’t be expensive either, none of mine cost more than $150.
June 12th, 2007 16:15
Anyone who has multiples knows that they certainly aren’t for convenience or ease of use.
I have found the MacLaren Twin Traveller to be really easy to use, though I second (or third) the frustration that so many places are actually not in compliance with the ADA. For me it is a temporary problem, but for people in wheelchairs it must be maddening how difficult it can be to get around stores that stack things in aisles or any of the other places that make passage impossible.
June 12th, 2007 17:37
casey
June 10th, 2007 22:43 53 “You know, it strikes me as amusing and somewhat odd that people are choosing to come to someone’s own website, which she pays money to host, to tell her that she’s being too sensitive. Why waste that energy? If you’re so het up about having your own opinions, I don’t understand why you don’t publish them yourselves.”
CASEY…..Why post it in the first place if you don’t want others to read it?And um yeah…we are so “het” up about having our own opinions…..and we DO publish them….is that not what we are doing now? If you went to a site and read something that you wanted to give your opinion on, most likely you’d point it out to your friends. And no one is being disrespectful. To each their own. This is just a bunch of women discussing the issue.
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Heather
June 10th, 2007 22:25 52 “I think the issue some of the multiples moms have is not that someone wants to look at their cute babies. It’s that almost EVERY SINGLE PERSON we pass wants to stop us and ask questions. ‘
Ok, seriously Heather, you must live in a very different town. Around here people don’t follow moms around pointing and asking questions. If every single person is doing it….I’d say it’s a pretty odd town you live in. Do you have alot of tourists or something? I mean it’s not like having twins is such a huge mind blowing thing. Yes, it is very special, but it’s not something that someone would pull out the camera and want to take pics of..except in the case of that one lady in the video..now THAT was definitely a bit over the top! Anyway, triplets….quads…so on so forth, yes, That is absolutely something you rarely see. But I just can’t see people lining up just waiting to talk to you about your babies and how they were conceived.
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Stacie
June 10th, 2007 22:47 54 “You see a someone with outrageous hair, you point.
Actually, no, I wouldn’t. I was taught it was rude to point at people or make comments about people on the street.”
STACIE….let’s get real here. If you saw a guy with a rainbow mohawk, you may not point at him directly, but I can bet you’d be pointing him out to your friend or anyone that you are with at the time. Give me a break. And most kids are going to point as a reflex. Most of them aren’t going to stop and consider that pointing is rude. They see something that is totally outrageous and different and they are interested. It doesn’t mean they are pointing in a negative way.
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Hilary…..seems to me that the commenters who don’t agree aren’t the ones overreacting. If you don’t want people to express their opinions, say so. Say that you don’t want others to put their two cents in and I’m quite sure people would leave.
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Paige…..isn’t “hostility” just a bit over dramatic? I mean geez, differing opinions….sure. There isn’t any hostility from what I can see though.
“I’m guessing manners were not really dealt with in your families if you think pointing at people in public and making inappropriate comments should be socially acceptable.”
Refer to my above comment to Stacie. It has very little to do with manners.
To deny that you don’t make inappropriate comments EVER is mostly likely bs. Judging from the hoity toity attitudes, I’m guessing that inappropriate, judgemental compliments are probably very freely given.
And seriously……you get looks from people EVERY DAY when you carry one baby? People actually stare and look at you funny for carrying your child? Right. Now THAT is something you don’t see everyday. A parent carrying a child. Wow!
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“Really now, wouldn’t it just be easier to post signs on your strollers and on your older children asking passers by to ask questions and to give you the attention you crave? You’re mothers of multiples, after all! You should demand the attention you’re not getting! You can then enjoy all of the undeserved comments, etc. that result from the whims of science and nature, since you don’t seem to be getting enough attention for your actual person or accomplishments. I like this idea…this way, the 5% of multiple parents who like the attention get it and distract the masses from the rest of us, who can go then go about our business in peace.”
ALICE……now REALLY. Just because folks are tolerant of the attention and don’t freak out if someone acts interested in their children suddenly makes them attention whores? Right. Lol! Don’t exaggerate or anything. Lmao at baggage that needs inspecting. Yeah…it’s much better to take something and blow it out of proportion in order to make yourself feel more victimized. Nice. And once again…..in regards to the hair and pointing comment…you’ll have to go back and read my previous comment in my reply.
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Eh……Ok, I was going to go through all the posts and reply, but I’m getting bored.
June 12th, 2007 18:39
Den - too bad being thorough doesn’t mean you are right. I do agree with one thing, you are boring.
Please show me where anyone who agrees was overreacting. You know, calling herself a “whore” over and over, telling people to go to extreme lengths with their multiples to avoid public attention, like staying home or not using strollers, telling moms of multiples THEY are the one injuring their children by complaining about people saying “Holy shit!” at them as they walk by, or telling them their lives will be hell.
I never said I didn’t want people to share their opinions, I just disagreed with them. I wondered why so many people who disagreed with Stacie felt the need to tell her SHE HAD NO RIGHT to feel offended, and neither did the family who just tried to videotape a trip to the zoo (which has to be looked at with bizarre suspicion by Chris - this isn’t a law case. They have a right to video when they go to the zoo! Sheeesh!).
June 12th, 2007 20:22
Stacie
June 10th, 2007 22:47 54 “You see a someone with outrageous hair, you point.
Actually, no, I wouldn’t. I was taught it was rude to point at people or make comments about people on the street.”
STACIE….let’s get real here. If you saw a guy with a rainbow mohawk, you may not point at him directly, but I can bet you’d be pointing him out to your friend or anyone that you are with at the time. Give me a break. And most kids are going to point as a reflex. Most of them aren’t going to stop and consider that pointing is rude.
Again, sorry to shock you with the reality that some of us have the class not to point and stare but that kind of behavior is unacceptable to most adults I know and to all the adults with whom I spend time. And I am not a child. Kids may indeed point to new or unusual things because they do not know any better; it is up to the adults in their lives to teach them that that is rude.
Also, umm…a rainbow mohawk wouldn’t be outrageous to most people I know.
Den, you are welcome to argue your point, but your treatment of people who disagree with you is crossing the line into trolldom. Sarah and Chris, both of whom are primarily arguing the same side of the debate as you, have both managed to debate intelligently without stooping to ad hominem attacks. If you are unable to do the same, as charmed as I am that my blog has grown up enough to have its own troll, no further comments of yours will remain up.
June 12th, 2007 22:57
I am a mom to twin girls and got a lot of that stuff too. Take comfort in the fact that once they are independently mobile you get a lot less of that. If it really bothers you to get such attention (I know, to some extent) try using two single strollers and a chest carrier. Most passerbys will not notice the trio
Congratulations to you both for your very beautiful family.
June 13th, 2007 12:07
“Ok, seriously Heather, you must live in a very different town. Around here people don’t follow moms around pointing and asking questions. If every single person is doing it….I’d say it’s a pretty odd town you live in. Do you have alot of tourists or something? I mean it’s not like having twins is such a huge mind blowing thing. Yes, it is very special, but it’s not something that someone would pull out the camera and want to take pics of..except in the case of that one lady in the video..now THAT was definitely a bit over the top! Anyway, triplets….quads…so on so forth, yes, That is absolutely something you rarely see. But I just can’t see people lining up just waiting to talk to you about your babies and how they were conceived. ”
Just last month I had 2 people (total starngers) take pictures of my babies. Yeah, they were tourists. I’ve noticed that back home (DC area) twins are not as big of a deal but where I live now I do get stopped by almost every single person that passes. Maybe it’s the times I shop (daytime with mostly edlery folks out) but even when we go to the park or the zoo people stop us. They don’t usually line up but I think that would be a more orderly way for them to gawk so maybe I’ll implement that in the future!
June 13th, 2007 12:17
“Furthermore, culturally, baby strollers are as much a device for the display of babies as for locomotion. Anyone who has multiples knows that they certainly aren’t for convenience or ease of use.”
Actually, I find mine to be incredibly convenient. If I put one twin in the stroller and carry the other in my Mei Tai carrier it takes people longer to figure out that they’re twins. However, sometimes it’s too hot to carry them. And with 4 kids young enough to need strollers, a double stroller (or two) has become a necessity for me. There’s just no way I could keep twin 1-yos, a 2-yo, and a 4-yo in constant supervision and get any grocery shopping done otherwise!
June 13th, 2007 14:16
“Hoity Toity”??? Really? Who says that?
June 13th, 2007 14:34
“This is just a bunch of women discussing the issue.”
Actually, Den, some of these people are men.
June 13th, 2007 15:36
Ok, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to jump in here anymore. After all, I don’t have twins yet (that’s for you Stacie ;> ), but I hate specious arguments.
“If you saw a guy with a rainbow mohawk, you may not point at him directly, but I can bet you’d be pointing him out to your friend or anyone that you are with at the time.”
Seriously, can we stop comparing unusually styled hair with multiple babies? One is something someone voluntarily did to themselves, generally with the knowledge that it would draw attention…also…if they don’t like it, it’s a temporary situation. Multiple babies…not so much. If I were one of the twin mommies here and someone kept drawing a parallel between my children and this, I’d be more than a bit offended.
June 14th, 2007 09:40
This video really made me understand how frusterating a trip this had to be for you- but I’m not sure how to resist looking at a cute baby.
I really can’t understand why people would touch someone else’s baby- or worse let their young child touch someone’s baby!!
I’ve found though that you’re just going to get all these comments whether you have triplets or just three or more children. I rant about it from time to time myself. http://alabamabrands.blogspot.com/2007/04/large-family-part-two-being-large.html
June 14th, 2007 10:03
Just to remind people - I have TWINS. This video, which is of TRIPLETS, is an example of what going out with multiples is like, but it is not of my family. I am nowhere near organized enough to get a video of our outings NOW, and when they were 6 weeks old I was lucky to be dressed.
November 4th, 2007 19:32
Another attention whore
November 6th, 2007 12:46
…and another troll, apparently.
November 21st, 2007 13:17
I can only imagine, I have 4 girls and the youngest are twins and it drives me and my husband nutts… I know we are not the normam but they are not Double trouble… and yes I ahve my hands full but better full than empty and it is none of your darn business how they were concieved
I am so sorry i know people are not the smartest… I get are the identical? i say we think so and then they say a boy and a girl? WHAT are you kidding me? NO, do you know what IDENTICAL means?
November 25th, 2007 14:24
wiw i think this is really sad, why dont people try to mind there own? i have 3 kids under 3 1/2 and we get weird looks and comments too mine are all 13 months apart! well good luck!
November 30th, 2007 07:29
Okay, so as a mom of 4 yo twin girls, and a b/g set on the way any day now, I can sympathize with the “freak show”. People are very rude, and always ask if they were natural, fraternal, etc. I’ve even had someone tell me “i’m sorry” when I said I was having the second set. It’s ridiculous. We’re going to have 4 kids. Many people have 4 kids, even if they’re not multiples, so why chastize me? Oh, and I’m in my mid-20s, so if I go out with my girls and my HUGE belly, I get awful stares like “how dare she!” and I’m married!!!! Try that one!