Comments on: Other People’s Thoughts on Breastfeeding

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 23:28:09 +0000

Paige, very well said! I have written and deleted three responses today regarding this issue, each time realizing that my anger was getting the best of me. I too was not able to BF my child and had to turn to formula and bottle. As with you, I put forth an effort, even turning to medicinal alternatives with no success. I too feel guilty for not being successful, that is probably why I am happy to see that you so eloquently expressed what I could not since I was riddled with anger and guilt.

By: Paige

Paige — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 20:36:39 +0000

Speaking as a mom who tried desperately and could not breastfeed my baby (gave up after 10 weeks and every herbal and non herbal remedy on the planet), I have no time for people who refer to breastfeeding support groups as Nipple Nazis. Not only is it absolutely ignorant and abusive language but it accomplishes nothing but demonstrating the feelings of inadequacy of those who lash out. I think it is wonderful to have support groups and I wish all women could succeed with the proper amount of education and help, but unfortunately that is not the case.

Having said that I have had threads removed from mothering boards because I discussed my inability to BF my baby and my desire to feel love and tenderness towards her instead of frustration and resentment each time we sat down to feed her. I have had threads removed for looking for other mothers who have had similar difficulties. I have had threads removed for asking mothers of formula fed babies what types of formulas were least intestinally upsetting for babies and which bottles they found worked best. I have been verbally castigated for supplementing with formula when my daughter was not gaining weight and was still losing weight into her third week of life. I have also been verbally abused for giving up my attempts at breastfeeding at 10 weeks instead of making it my mission in life to exclusively feed my child “naturally”.

I don’t think that hostility towards breastfeeding champions is warranted, but I will admit that there are a lot of women out there who feel the need to lord their ability over those of us who can’t. My sensitivity towards the issue I freely admit is a direct result of lingering guilt I have, but there certainly are those out there who seem to want to make those of us who could not succeed feel bad for giving up, no matter what the health risks were to our children. I’m certainly not claiming that this is the norm or even the opinion and attitude demonstrated by the majority of breastfeeding champions, but don’t deny that this attitude exists out there.

By: P.

P. — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:30:05 +0000

I want to share a quick anecdote with you. I used to co-ordinate a local breastfeeding support group. We ran a tag sale each year to support our organization. At the tag sale, a neighbor of mine came up to me, and asked what I was fundraising for. When I explained that we provided emotional support and information for breastfeeding moms, he said, to my face” “Oh you mean you’re the Nursing Nazis?” I was shocked.
I explained to him that our group was a bunch of volunteer mothers who provide help and emotional support to moms at whatever level it’s desired and that it really was not appropriate or appreciated to be comparing to a group that tortured and murdered millions of innocent people, and I told him that he offended me deeply. He apologized. Profusely.
People often don’t realize what they are saying. I think he thought he was being “cute” or “funny”. It turns out that his wife, 8 YEARS earlier, had trouble breastfeeding, had to return to work at 6 weeks, and he felt that she received guilt and flack from some (well-meaning?) individual. That kind of pain is something we peer-counselors always tried to soothe, not make worse. There really are times when someone cannot overcome the ridiculous hurdles of pumping at a full time job; or extreme nipple pain; or any number of medical troubles that can cause an inability to breastfeed. For those moms, I and my peer counselors tried our best to offer help at healing sore nipples; decreasing milk supply if there was engorgement, etc.
Sadly, there are bitchy pushy people in the world– but even they are not Nazi’s.

By: Stacie

Stacie — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:18:03 +0000

So, I guess the question here is how do you disseminate health information without making women who can’t breastfeed for medical or economic reasons feel even worse?

By: Emilin

Emilin — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:17:14 +0000

It’s worth noting that the primary reason breastfeeding fails so much of the time is that knowledge of how to breastfeed is no longer a part of our culture in the US. Most of us didn’t grow up seeing women breastfeeding. Our families and in-laws don’t usually know how to make breastfeeding succeed, so we get newborn advice that can put breastfeeding at risk. Formula companies provide continuing ed workshops to physicians and nurses, so those providers get biased information on infant nutrition and health.

When women have full access to good information about and support of breastfeeding, then breastfeeding will succeed more often than not.

(And yes, I know that information is not the only reason breastfeeding fails, but the data show that it’s the primary reason. We also need to work with our state and local governments to enforce laws that protect breastfeeding mothers at work and when out in public.)

By: Hilary

Hilary — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:06:07 +0000

Julia, all due respect, there are so few women who actually succeed at breastfeeding in America. I don’t think many people are naive enough to think no one struggles or that everyone succeeds, especially if it is someone in the business of being a lactation consultant.

I am not sure what these extremes are, but if there are people who go to them, I think they are probably very rare and hard to find. Most discussions on breastfeeding seem very normal and tame to me. Try if you can. This is why it should be supported. Get help if you need it. This is where to get help. What this has to do with Nazis and the Holocaust is completely beyond me, and I am sick of the discussion being framed as if the extreme was common.

Breastfeeding is extremely touchy, and it is a health decision, not a moral decision. On the one hand, I am horrified when I hear of moms having their posts removed from certain “natural parenting” message boards when they talk about failing at breastfeeding and trying formula. On the other hand, I have heard and been subjected to a tirade almost every time breastfeeding comes up on most parenting boards and in my personal life because some people have a LOT of anger about it, regardless of how absent these extreme voices seem to be from the discussion. I posted about the natural mom backlash topic on my blog just this week.

Lactation consultants are routinely painted as Nurse Cratchett if they are lucky and a Nazis if they are not. When people are still getting kicked off or airplanes and out of the Ronald McDonald house for breastfeeding and the 6 month rate of breastfeeding in America lingers at about 18%, I am going to continue sticking my neck out to support breastfeeding. If some ignorant person with guilt wants to blow off steam by calling me a boob or nipple Nazi, I will continue to assert that their frame of injustice is seriously out of perspective.

By: mama k

mama k — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:04:27 +0000

I never thought of it that way.
I am so afraid of being the “boob nazi” that I don’t speak up when I probably should. I really want to help other mamas be sucessful and not heap on the guilt/pressure. We should be supporting eachother and stop being so judgemental. But in the same vein someone has to get the information out there and I guess that might be considered pushy to some people. JMHO

By: Paige

Paige — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:03:19 +0000

Mind you, there are pushy bitches on both sides of the equation. That’s just human nature, I guess. However, I’ve certainly never heard anyone use the term “bottle nazi”.

By: Julia

Julia — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:42:11 +0000

Stacie- I totally agree!

By: Stacie

Stacie — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:25:14 +0000

Julia — I just think if someone is being a pushy bitch, and someone who makes you feel bad for using formula qualifies as such, should just be called a pushy bitch rather than a nazi.