Fucking Hippies
I posted to Mothering, a parenting board, the same thing I wrote in my Four AM post. The thread was removed for “promoting cry-it-out”
The message I got: Hi there! I wanted to let you know that your thread titled “At the breaking point” has been removed from Life with a Babe. I’m very sorry you’re having a rough time, but we don’t allow threads that promote letting babies cry it out. Please feel free to let me know if I misinterpreted your post, or to start a new thread asking for advice on how to avoid CIO.
And my response: Well, you’ve managed to make me utterly livid. I spend all night up alone with a crying baby, patting, nursing, rocking, soothing and at 4 AM I put her down because I need a break and, when I ask for sympathy, you have the nerve to interpret that as promoting CIO!? This may be news to you perfect little hippies at Mothering, but it is a hell of a lot better to walk away from a child and let her cry for a few minutes than scream at her to “shut the fuck up and go to sleep goddamnit” or vent your frustration in any other way. It’s called walking away and regrouping so you can go back and work with her some more, which is exactly what I did.
I didn’t sleep for any stretch longer than 90 minutes last night, and that was one glorious stretch. Other than that, the longest stretch I had was 30 minutes. How DARE you presume to accuse me of using CIO. If I were using CIO I assure you I would be a hell of a lot better rested.
Bugger off.
Do you think my membership will be revoked?
Stumble it!
Donate to the Zoë and Lennox Simpson Memorial Fund
and the 529 college savings accounts get a kickback.
May 25th, 2007 19:39
Wow. I don’t know if I’d want to go back after that! F-them. What a bunch of jerks.
May 25th, 2007 19:43
Kudos to you!!!!! I’m so glad you vented properly to them. I’ve had many many issues with posting on that site in the past but my replies were never so venomous. You are my hero for the day!
May 25th, 2007 20:51
Darling Stacie,
You are absolutely splendid! Your response was a model of furious emotion packed into crystal clear prose. Twits will keep on being twits as long as no one calls them on it. Didn’t you just love the chirpy little exclamation point after Hi there! Not only is whover wrote the note a twit with the compassion of a toad but he/she desperately needs an editor. I wish I was there to help walk the babies.
Love,
Gloria
May 25th, 2007 21:23
I love when you get fiesty. I just wish you had worked “assclown” into your response.
Dirty, dirty hippies.
May 25th, 2007 21:46
Stacie, you so rock!
REAL hippies (like me) would never be so judgmental and presumptuous.
May 25th, 2007 23:14
Good for you.
I’m all about the AP thing but they can get a bit high-and-mighty over there. No one can live up to that standard all the time. (They also exhort smoking weed while preggo but I digress.) I guess someone reported your thread? I remember posting on there about sleep issues once and about how frustrated and burned out I was. All I got was a bunch of “they are only little once” crapola and “stop looking at the clock” junk. Um not helpful when I’m about to jump out the window people.
It’s ok to be frustrated. Letting your babies cry is not automatically CIO. (But you already know that.) Sometimes you have to take care of Mama first ’cause if she looses it, everyone is screwed.
May 26th, 2007 08:08
HAHAHAHAHAH
I agree with Pann, real hippies would understand the difference and lend a shoulder, not a judgemental slap in the face.
May 26th, 2007 08:53
Good grief! I certainly hope they revoke your membership as you are way too smart/put together/hip for them. Didn’t you already get yourself kicked off of a different “hippy” site? Maybe it’s time to buy a hummer and start driving to the end of the block for milk. . . .
Stacie, you are doing an amazing job in the face of a huge undertaking. Raising kids, especially more than one at a time, is hard work. Anyone who tells you differently either has never done it or isn’t doing it right. Keep up the good work.
May 26th, 2007 09:29
Oh girl. I so sympathize with you! We, however Ferberized our twins… So I’m guessing I would not be a candidate for their site! ha ha…. I too would say f-them!
Rony
May 26th, 2007 10:25
I am really curious about what the “perfect” AP mother is supposed to do in this situation? I mean, really? What is it that we are “supposed” to be doing? And why are they judging you? It’s not like yuo came and posted that you are doing CIO and want support. You are obviously at the end of your rope and have tried everything and are exhausted and needed a few minutes to regroup.
As you know I am going through rough times (sleepless nights!) here too. Were cosleep and don’t CIO either. But when I’m up ALL night with each baby waking between 6 and 8 imes EACH… what the hell am I supposed to do? I haven’t let them cry yet but instead I’m grumpy for lack of sleep and find myself snapping at my older kids all day long.
So what IS the perfect solution? Maybe we should ask the experts over at MDC? I guess they’ve all BTDT and have all of the answers? If you find out, LMK. This morning my DH said he wants me to either get the babies into another room or he’ll let me cosleep in our bed but he’s taking the couch. He can’t handle the lack of sleep either! So yeah… you’ve totally got my sympathy this morning.
May 26th, 2007 13:12
“Sometimes you have to take care of Mama first ’cause if she loses it, everyone is screwed.”
Amen.
BTW, do any of those people have twins, let alone kids? Sometimes they have to cry, you can only change one diaper at a time.
You hang in there. It does get easier. Really. It does.
May 26th, 2007 14:56
Beautifully irate yet rational response! I may have started it off with “Dear Hyper-judgmental Fuckwits”.
You are doing a kick-ass job at something I cannot even imagine, and managing to give us, the Teeming Masses, insight and cute pics constantly during the process. Let’s see them try that. Heh.
May 26th, 2007 15:04
There is a HUGE difference between letting your babies cry and cry it out. We let Jayden cry. We do not advocate cry it out by any means. And what you did, quite frankly, is what I teach in Boot Camp. When they are really frustrating you, take a break for a few minutes. It keeps you sane (sort of) and keeps them safe.
Anyone who can’t recognize that, quite frankly, isn’t really worth our time.
P.S. I really hope I don’t piss you off one day.
May 26th, 2007 15:31
I am so tired of judgmental people. Especially other parents. Its so disheartening. I applaud your response. I agree with DaraLee - maybe none of those “parents” even have kids… And assclown is genious!
May 26th, 2007 20:48
I cant belive what some people get worked up about!! i personally think sometimes it is better to let a baby cry and learn how to settle themselves then always cuddling and coddling like it sounds like this person who wrote to you does! I agree with you, sometimes you need to put the baby down and walk away!
and good job for firing back!! that is something i totally would have done!
How is your baby sleeping now?
May 26th, 2007 22:24
Clearly, she (at Mothering) doesn’t have twins! Hang in there…
May 27th, 2007 22:30
The very polite response I got…
I didn’t assume; I asked you if you wanted to clarify. If you still wish to do so, please let me know and I can send you a copy of your original post so you can do so.
Peace,
Annette
I must admit I admire her restraint in the face of my, umm, directness. However, since I have, I think, already clarified I am not responding.
May 28th, 2007 00:04
Did she seriously say “peace” ??????
May 28th, 2007 13:47
Yeah, I could never stomach that site for very long, and that holier than thou attitude is just entrenched by their ridiculous mod team. I always preferred hipmama. At least the judgmental assholes there are not mods, and they never take down posts.
I really find it hard to believe people stay on Mothering.com. Love the magazine, hate the boafds.
May 28th, 2007 14:39
Jen — Oh yeah. She signed her initial post “peace” too, ’cause there’s nothing quite like ending your judgemental silliness with an exhortation to peace.
Must go try hipmama. That’s a new one to me.
May 29th, 2007 08:57
Most messageboards make me want to smack the users, but MDC takes it to a whole new level. I miss trainwrecks.
May 30th, 2007 08:02
Everyone is different on how they raise their kids, but I hate when they think everyone must do it their way.
I was a CIO parent, may not be too popular here, but both my slept through the night early. The first one did at 7 weeks, the 2nd one did at 9 weeks. I still remember letting the first one cry it out….first night 10 min. 2nd night 15 min. 3rd night 45 min…..after that peace and quiet. My 2nd wasn’t quite as simple it took her about a week, and one night of crying for about an hour…UGH! But the months of good sleep was the pay off. Whatever works for YOU is what matters.
Kudos to you for speaking up!
Your twins are very cute btw!
May 30th, 2007 20:14
This board sounds almost as bad as diaperswappers.com. Horridly judgemental people and stupid mods. I go there to buy diapers and mostly stay out of the boards, but one time someone read a review on my blog and went nutso, it wasn’t a good review of her website. And everyone decided I was anti-breastfeeding because I said the pic she had displayed was unprofessional. (It was a NASTY, SCAREY pic of her nursing a toddler, it was her expression that was horrid, and she wasn’t cuddling sweetly with her little one, the 4-5yo was standing in front of her hung on her, everything exposed and she was looking like she was daring anyone to say anything.) I’m breastfeeding my 7th child, so how anti-breastfeeding can I be? LOL
I swear 80% of boards are people who are so bored with their lives they are looking to cause a ruckus. I don’t need that, I have kids, there is always a ruckus, lol.
And you know what? If you let your child CIO, it doesn’t matter, its not like you have newborns! Sometimes being healthy and sane is more important than an ideal in parenting. I’m not knocking not CIO, I’m just saying that many, many children are raised that way and are perfectly healthy emotionally. I can’t stand to let them cry, though! And you obviously were just trying to not lose it.
May 31st, 2007 09:15
Thanks guys. I haven’t actually been back since I got the mod’s response. I spend most of my online time on “private” boards with very small circles of members where that crap just doesn’t happen. It keeps life much easier.
I keep getting rejected by hippies. Maybe I should try some wall street boards.
June 1st, 2007 14:04
Unbelievable! Thank you for reminding me why i stay away from MDC…
And yeah, i guess i am now a supporter of CIO — we had to let Chloe CIO at 18 months, because *nobody* was getting any sleep. With twins on the way, i am going to try this ’sleep training’ thing earlier, because i can’t even imagine 18+ months of two of them like her. OTOH, my oldest found his own sleep rhythm around 6 months just beautifully and never needed any ’sleep training’ or crying-it-out at all. I kept waiting for the girl to do the same thing, and it never happened….all children are different.
June 1st, 2007 14:39
Wow! That takes the cake. I’ve been scared everytime I’ve poked around those boards.
June 5th, 2007 22:31
Dr Sears said we’re not there to keep our children from ever crying but to be with them when they do. You were there with them, & that sends an important message. I *know* sleep deprivation & I know how hard it is to be a good mommy when you’re to the point of hallucinating. Hang in there, you’re doing great.
September 19th, 2007 19:25
Stacie-
I have had my bouts with the mothersdotcommune board- looking for common threads (pun not intended- but HAH!) - but no room for any views other than their own- not even for a healthy bit of discussion! If you are not in agreement with these folks- they are not interested. Thanks for your post- I have felt like you described when posting there, and am glad to know I am not the only one.