And So It Continues…
They screamed all morning and clung to me like limpets except when F, unwatched for 5 minutes, climbed onto the windowsill. Then we went to playgroup and they ran in opposite directions for about 3 hours. Then, after nap, they screamed all afternoon. F fell off the couch. Then she pulled a folding chair down on herself. After dinner I put them in the playroom behind a gate for 20 minutes and then they REALLY screamed. When I let them out F got her leg stuck in the gate to the kitchen and screamed and while I tried to get her out J kept trying to climb on me. She woke up screaming an hour after she went to bed, requiring a change. Her screaming woke J up, who is himself still screaming.
I somehow lost F’s Thing 2 t-shirt when I changed her at the park and am really pissed at myself for that because that was one of my favorite shirts; I feel like I can’t manage to do the simplest things like collect my belongings anymore. I am frustrated all the time, tired all the time and feel like I am going full out all the time. I feel incompetent and strung out. Their screaming frustrates me. I feel like a bad mother because I am mad at a one-year-old for crying. Then I walk away to collect myself and feel like a bad mother because I am not tending to a crying baby. I still haven’t slept a full night; if one kid sleeps through the other one does not. Last Saturday I got a pedicure and realized it was the first time I had been away from the kids in weeks. I’m just worn down. A dull, nubby worn down pencil. And my eraser doesn’t work.
Stumble it!
and the 529 college savings accounts get a kickback.
September 6th, 2007 22:51
You are an amazing mother. I’m tearing up reading this because I have felt all of your frustrations and tirednesses and thought they might break me, but with only one child.
Here are some coping tools I’ve employed: 1) A big bucket of Duplo is my friend from 11 months on. It can buy me an entire 15 minutes of peace, especially if I build a thing that can be demolished and there are animals and people. 2) The park is over rated. I’m a fine mother even on days when we don’t go out because I’m just too tired. 3) Sleep deprivation excuses me from all sorts of reasonable expectations. My definition of reasonable must change in direct proportion to consecutive hours slept. 4) I’m not getting out of bed. The nurslings sleep with me. End of story. 5) Other people can bring their babies to my house for tea and chaos. This is my new idea of fun. 6) Water play is a thing of beauty. Towels aplenty, all spread out in the kitchen. Pots, cups, ladles, basters, ice trays. Babies. Then play, clean-ish babies and clean-ish floor all happen at once. 7) I sleep when the babies sleep. This is nursing normal. Forget what society wants, or what I think I need to get done to feel sane. Remember post-partum? Have you eaten and had water? Have you gone to the bathroom? Have you slept? That’s it. Anything else is gravy.
It’s about to get easier. They’ll eat more food and sleep more hours. It will be different, and that’s good enough. 9) This is fun. I make myself smile when I lay down at night. It works on my brain whether I mean it or not. Maybe it’s nutty, but I think it helps.
You’re an inspiration. We all get frustrated. We all feel ill-equipped to deal with the crying, and screaming, and crying. Check the teeth. Try some homeopathy. Try some temper taming spray by California Baby, on all of you. And Rescue Remedy. For you. I send you warm thoughts.
September 6th, 2007 22:53
It sounds like you may need more pedicures. And a massage or three. Perhaps a few seaweed wraps- I’ve heard rumors that they’re fabulous.
Or maybe you just need a night where you put the kids to bed and leave them with your husband. Then you can sleep by yourself in a hotel or at a friend’s house. Even if you have trouble staying asleep because you’re alone you’ll still be tired enough to sleep for a good stretch. Then you can go back home in the morning after you’ve had a nice child-free breakfast.
September 6th, 2007 23:04
You’re a mom! It’s our purpose to have 1000 & 1 things to juggle.
If you’re interested in some offbeat ways to help yourself and has REALLY worked for me, please email me. Love to help!
September 7th, 2007 05:31
I think you need a day or a half day alone w/o the babies. Let Dady do it. Toddlers wear one out when one only has one let alone two who give each other ideas etc. I know it’s got to be exhauting mentally and physically. HUGS.
September 7th, 2007 07:01
Good grief just an hour of that would do me in!
September 7th, 2007 09:13
Everyone’s said it so eloquently already, so I’ll just add a hug… ((((Stacie))))
September 7th, 2007 10:25
Wow. Everyone needs a break. You do too. You need a night out. Babysitter, if possible, although I know that’s hard. Dinner. Drinks. Sex with your husband. A long bath. Talk to him about this now.
And this:
“Then I walk away to collect myself and feel like a bad mother because I am not tending to a crying baby.”
You are a GOOD parent for doing this and don’t ever tell yourself otherwise. You are doing the kid a favor by doing that. Seriously.
Hang in there honey child.
September 7th, 2007 10:34
It’s just hard. And there’s nothing you can do to prepare for it.
Is there another mom you can do trade-outs with? Trade an hour with 4 toddlers for an hour with none?
Hoping you get some respite this weekend.
September 7th, 2007 10:55
Stacie, you’re doing everything right, it’s just a huge job. And the fact thqat it never goes away makes it feel overwhelming. You need a little time to yourself on a regular basis. Having a break to look forward to will keep you going.
This, too, shall pass.
September 7th, 2007 11:11
Do you know I remember going through this exact thing about a month ago, and then about a month before that. Each time I think that I cannot possibly go on and that it is just too much and just when I reach the end of my tether, they get over the stage and give me a week or so of relative peace (happy, laughing, night sleeping babies).
I have recently managed to find half an hour to myself at night after we have put them down to sleep. I take the puppy out for a walk. Sometimes it is a brisk walk because I need to work stuff off, other times it is a peacefull stroll and I just enjoy the quiet. People used to tell me to make time for myself all the time but it is especially hard with 2 (or more). There are so many techniques that can help to relax you, for me though the simplest is a glass of wine, some mindless tv and the belief that around the corner there is a little break in the madness.
Oh and I also make sure that before I sit down to drink my wine and watch my tv, that the room which I am in is clear of clutter with no onvious chores in sight – this way I can convince myself for a brief amount of time that nothing needs to be folded, ironed, hung-up or taken down, cleaned, cleared or repaired.
*hug*
Amy
September 7th, 2007 12:05
Oh, boy. I really feel for you (though I have no idea what it really feels like, since I have just one).
I have to agree with another reader that just when it gets unbearable they somehow shift and then it’s okay again. In the mean time I wish you sanity and a few moments for yourself. You’re a great mom.
Any way to get just *one* night’s sleep? It might make a huge difference.
Tanya
September 7th, 2007 13:40
So many cyber hugs for you! I so can not imagine….being that I only have one child…I can not relate, but I certainly can see how it could get very difficult.
I hope that soon…very soon…you get a full nights sleep.
September 7th, 2007 15:34
Walk away when you have to. I always go back to the analogy of the aircraft oxygen masks – even though it’s not your instinct, you have to put yours on FIRST in order to be of assistance to anybody else. Same applies here.
A sitter. Or dad. Or a sitter plus dad. Whatever it takes, just take a day off.
September 7th, 2007 17:08
lots of (((((hugs)))) to you. You are a great mom! Remember…this too shall pass…oh, i see someone already said that!
September 7th, 2007 19:57
Many hugs to you mama!
September 7th, 2007 20:55
I feel for you, Mama. You are an amazing mom and an inspiration to all of us! And I’m sad for me, too, because I had a week like this as well, only mine are a lot younger than yours, and isn’t this supposed to get BETTER? Lately, my mantra is: “By Whatever Means Necessary.” Meaning, if they have to be in their cribs screaming for 20 minutes just so I can remain sane, than so be it.
September 7th, 2007 21:18
It’s hard to believe that in, like, 18 years, we’ll be BEGGING them to call us and talk to us. I’m making audiotapes of the screaming so I can listen to it whenever I think I miss this stage.
September 7th, 2007 23:02
I’m so sorry. I really hope that today was better. Days like that sound so exhausting. Must run, baby crying on the monitor.
September 10th, 2007 17:02
In case you did not know, Jody snagged your shirt. She will get it back to you. Don’t worry, us other worn down mom’s have got your back.