Take THAT
You know how when you’re an adolescent and desirable members of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your personal preference) won’t go out with you because you just aren’t cool enough. Or hot enough. You are, for whatever reason, the wrong temperature?
OK, fine, you, gentle blog reader, were both cool and hot. Boys wanted you. Girls wanted to be you. Or vice versa. But me, I was a dork.
So…I’m remembering how, in the midst of near constant rejection of my teenage years I thought things like, “Someday I’ll be rich/hot/famous and THEN you’ll wish you had gone out with me and tried to get in my pants when you had the chance. Jerk. Like I wanted to be seen with you anyway.” The red head in middle school. The boy from high school who went on to become a specialist in sea slugs. The college love who dumped me for a woman with big breasts and a small brain. Plus all the assorted and sundry others who didn’t want me. Just so you all know, I’M A SUBURBAN HOUSEWIFE WITH CONSTANTLY SCREAMING TWINS. Bet you wish you’d gotten a piece of this when you’d had the opportunity, huh? Think of the bragging rights dating a woman who went on to become a housewife could have afforded you. That’s right. Bet you’re crying now. Jerk. Like I wanted to be seen with you anyway.
Stumble it!
and the 529 college savings accounts get a kickback.
September 18th, 2007 13:11
What brought that on? Did you just see an ex boyfriend on your favorite soap opera? And don’t tell me you don’t have one. All housewives do.
…….
Sorry, I just fell off my chair from laughing so hard at my own sentence.
September 18th, 2007 13:20
I click the ad at the top every time. Who knows when hooter hiders will come in handy?
September 18th, 2007 13:29
No, thank God. That’s B’s fun life. Having been a theatre major he constantly gets to be reminded that he left the arts via former classmates on commercials and in movies.
General Hospital, though I haven’t seen it since February.
And I don’t know what brought that on. The constant screaming, I guess. Right now they seem to be NOT napping. Nap, damn it. Nap!
September 18th, 2007 15:28
Clickity Click!
Kids, please give your sweet mom a break and nap
September 18th, 2007 15:53
You’re looking at this from the wrong angle. Please remember that, thanks to breastfeeding twins, you now fit like a glove into those hot (or cool) red leather pants. I, on the other hand, am sporting a bleach spattered t-shirt, frayed Levis and birks. (I’m not even a suburban housewife – when you live in the middle of nowhere, you can wander around nude and no one will ever be the wiser.)
Chin up. They’ll nap soon. I can’t hardly get Cass (turning 12 this week!) out of bed these days.
September 18th, 2007 16:01
Like Kelly Jo said someday you will not be able to get them out of bed. Your day will come when they are both out with friends and you will miss the noise. Well, maybe you won’t miss the noise, but you will miss them.
Kisses to all.
Grandma Chrissy
September 18th, 2007 16:08
Keep telling self, baby/toddlerhood does not last forever. Some day I will miss this. Some day I will miss this. That’s what everyone says, anyway.
We’ve had some rough nights this month so I hear you on the screaming babies. Hope they settle down soon. Must go do some clicking. I might just need a euphemistically named Hooter Hider.
September 18th, 2007 16:09
OMG. We went to the same school.
Did I shun you or did you shun me? I was a band geek, so probably the latter.
Either way, we ended up with same glamorous life, leaving all those BMOCs saying “coulda, woulda, shoulda.”
Great post. Good for a chuckle. Way to go on the 529.
September 18th, 2007 16:44
Can you please send some nap vibes my way? I have a sick 3yo and hyper 1yo who are refusing to fall asleep… Heeeeelllllpppp…. And now I smell poo. Joy.
September 18th, 2007 17:10
Lori – I was a band geek AND a drama geek. Who didn’t shun me?
September 18th, 2007 17:16
I used to be a cool lesbian surfer girl… everyone wanted me… I was hot… now I’m the mom of screaming twins who break all of my stuff and wreck my house. I never get out in the water anymore, and I’m not hot anymore so no one gives me a second look… but my dog has made four dollars selling hats and T-shirts with his on line store… so I guess I’m OK with my life.
September 18th, 2007 18:35
It’s the glamour of motherhood – the applesauce, cereal and snot that seems to be wiped on all my clothes, the socks that don’t even begin to match my outfit, the unbrushed hair – these are the things that make the boys want me. Oh yeah. Because, as I walk through my snazzy suburban downtown surrounded by fashionably dressed dinks you know who the men are looking at. Oh yeah, frizzy haired, blotchy skinned, scrawny me. Mmmm.
September 18th, 2007 19:22
There’s a certain amount of glamour associated with being able to drag a double stroller out of the back of your car and snap it into shape with a flick of the wrist, zip around the block and back… throw together every cover recipe from Gourmet Cooking Geniuses of the World … and still be able to BLOG LIKE THE WIND!
You may be a dork, Stacie, but… you’re my kinda dork!
September 18th, 2007 19:23
Ker-clickity-clickity-choo!
September 18th, 2007 22:36
The high school I went to in MI, the band was cool, seriously cool. The other high school I went to in CA the drama geeks were really geeks. I was editor of the school newspaper, I was also a sportswriter so I dated jocks, lots o’ jocks. Even married one. NOW look at me. A “middle aged” overweight mother of two teenage boys who will cause me to have an aneurysm before I have a chance to graduate from college, which I’m reattending because I was too meesed up to graduate the first time I went. Not a pretty picture. This time next week I’ll be taking Algebra 2……….whoosh! The excitement never ends.
I hope they start to nap again soon. You have my sleep vibes and empathy.
September 19th, 2007 09:04
Can I just link to you and say, “Yeah! What she said!!”?
September 19th, 2007 09:41
Oh, that is so funny. I just ran into my 3rd grade “boyfriend” (he dumped me for a girl who had a driveway big enough to rollerskate in) in the grocery store, and I was all, “Hi, I have FIVE CHILDREN and a tiny house! Who’s rollerskating NOW????”
September 19th, 2007 10:20
Hey, I was a video production geek in high school. Nothin’ says sexy like showing up at all the major school events with a 45 pound camera slung on your shoulder. And it’s oh-so-helpful that my favorite teacher, with whom I still chat from time to time, likes to point out that the reason I never had any dates was because I intimidated all the boys. Lovely.
Hope the podlings go to sleep for you soon! Of course, reading your blog, seeing what the future holds, just adds more salt to the wound my mother opened yesterday when she told me how big a laugh she’s getting out of seeing me get my just rewards. I’m certain I was a model infant, child, AND adolescent, so I have no idea what she’s talking about.
Big nftk hugs!
September 19th, 2007 15:48
Hey! I was a band geek too! How cool!
Or not, I suppose.
September 19th, 2007 20:26
Heh. I had three children in my late 30s/early 40s and went from being hot young lawyer thing in Italian suits to Spokesperson for Family Responsibilities in the Workplace within my little professional corner of the world. Guess which one was more fun?
Oh well. At least the children think I’m gorgeous. I am tired and a bit flabby and my daughter will look up at me in my chenille dressing gown and say,”Oh, Mummy, you look like a PRINCESS”.
September 19th, 2007 21:00
the comments are as funny as the post (well I really know – it isn’t so funny with two sceraming babies who won’t nap).Hope they nod off soon.
WTG on those college funds ,funded by clickicky clicks- I will do my bit to help.
September 19th, 2007 21:09
I’m so glad I’m not in high school any more!!
September 21st, 2007 10:01
I have so many random responses for you today, I think they need numbers.
1. Drama “geek?” Really? We were the drama cool kids at our school.
2. I’ve seen your bikini at the beach photo. You’re smokin’.
3. Like Pann pointed out, your cooking all the covers make you ridiculously cool in my book.
4. As I clickety-click-clicked my way through your ads I was finally rewarded with a GOOD one! Mary-Kate is joining the cast of Weeds. Who knew? I’m looking forward to seeing her fly solo in the suburban drug world. My formula and twin contest site viewings have finally paid off.
5. Swistle’s “Hi, I have FIVE CHILDREN and a tiny house! Who’s rollerskating NOW????” almost made me pee myself. Rollerskating. HA! Awesome.