Discrimination Against Twins
When the twins were quite young I tried to go out to lunch with their grandmother and a family friend. The restaurant refused to seat us because of the double stroller. They would not even put us on the patio. Double strollers are a big, unwieldy pain. But to refuse to seat us? Well, Bricco, I didn’t want your warm pistachio crusted goat cheese salad (with cider vinagrette) anyway. I won’t eat there now. Ever. I like to eat out. We eat out a lot. But not there.
Of course, as a restaurant they can choose to drive away business. But a library? Heather of It’s Twinsanity was told she couldn’t bring her stroller in to story time at the library. Single strollers were OK, but not hers. The solution offered by the library manager was to not go out alone with so many children. I beg your pardon? When Heather wrote a formal complaint letter asking for an apology she was told nope, no apology. “They have decided to refuse an apology, instead stating that “large strollers” are not welcome at their libraries.” I don’t know about your town, but in mine we pay for town services via property taxes. High property taxes. Property taxes that entitle me to use the town services.
Taking twins (or triplets, I assume) out is hard. They go in opposite directions. Neither has any judgement at all. They work together to make you nuts. So many activities for stay-at-home-moms presume one child, not two. Even shopping carts are designed for one child. Oh, sure, there are the occasional carts that seat two, but they are inevitably seem to be taken by someone with one child and a large purse. So when a library - a library! - declares that double strollers are forbidden that makes me mad. Maybe Heather should bring her kids and let them destroy the place, then smile sweetly and say, “Well, most places I can keep them in the stroller which contains their whirlwind of chaos but since you don’t allow large strollers and I want them to learn to love books, story time and the library…”
Is this common? Do other twin parents find themselves excluded from children’s activities because of twin related problems?
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October 1st, 2007 15:07
That is absolutely ridiculous! I would have a FIT if that happened to me. I live in a big city and maybe that helps with this kind of thing. I have never experience anything like that (thank God)! I cannot believe they didn’t apolgize…I agree…I would bring my kids there and let them make a HUGE mess to prove my point.
October 1st, 2007 15:51
That’s total bullshit. I’d take that a long way. I’d even do a column for our paper (and I write for it, so it’d even get run). She really should write a letter to the editor and get the paper involved.
October 1st, 2007 15:53
This has never happened to me with my twins (and our big ol’ Maclaren Twin Traveller) anytime in the past two years. It sucks huge balls that it’s happened to you and Heather. Makes me want to punch somebody. Isn’t it hard enough dealing with multiples? Why do people want to make your life more difficult?
October 1st, 2007 16:03
This is not something that only occurs to families of multiples. I have a singleton. One night last December, after a long day of Christmas shopping we decided to try a new restaurant in our area called The Melting Pot (the entire premise is fondue type eating). They opened at 4pm, and we promptly walked in at 4:15, mind you there was not a SINGLE PERSON in the restaurant other than staff at this time. With our 14mth old (at that time) in tow, we thought we would be in for a nice dinner. SURPRISE! We were greeted politely, and asked how many. We told them just two and a half, non-smoking. Smuggly the host flipped through some papers and said “I can seat you at 10pm this evening.”. I said, “Excuse me?”. I was then told that they only take reservations and that they simply could not accomadate us at that time. I LOST IT! “I beg your pardon?! You mean to tell me that there is not a single patron in here, but YOU will not seat us?!” Oh I was hot. How dare they?! With the same smug look we were told to take their souvenir menu, and come back another time. I turned to him and promptly told him that we would never be returning. The audacity of this smug jackass. We eat out alot, and I have never ever been treated so rudely. My husband and I finally realized that they simply did not want to be bothered with a small child in their restaurant. Even though that entire event was almost a year ago, I remember it as if it just happened yesterday.
So, even though I have just one, I can empathize with you on this. And, to comment about what the library did. That is just appauling. I would probably escalate that to the city council/supervisor/etc, but that’s just me… They should be made aware of how their tax payers are being treated… After all, without your tax money those nasty librarians would be out of a job!
October 1st, 2007 17:40
Yes, I was told by our local Gymboree class that twins were not welcome unless we brought our nanny too. Uh, we don’t have a nanny. I sort of understand having a one adult to one child rule for safety, but they were quite rude about it. And the local My Gym takes twins and even offers a discount for multiples. Later when the boys were older they sent an e-mail saying we could go to a “family time” but I refused saying if they weren’t welcome when they were younger, we won’t be going there ever.
Oh, and the Melting Pots near us are all like that. I’ve never tried taking the kids there, but you can’t get in without reservations weeks in advance.
October 1st, 2007 19:08
I hate The Melting Pot because they changed our anniversary reservation to accommodate a fellow who wanted to propose to his girlfriend. We waited for our table for 15 minutes before they came in, and all of a sudden our table (the best one, in a tower surrounded by windows on 3 sides) went to them–oops!) I went (quietly) through the roof, the manager ripped into the hostess who made the call, and we got a free meal…but after that free meal we never went back and never shall. The worst part was that the proposing couple didn’t even ask for that table. The hostess simply decided their event was more important than my anniversary and booted us. Seriously. I will say that it is not a kid-friendly (nor really a kid-safe) restaurant, but even so the host should have been polite and direct with you, Jen. There was no excuse for his behavior.
OK, that’s totally beside the point. Yeah, it’s passive aggressive, but I’d just bring the kids in without the stroller as you suggested and let them wreak their havoc.
October 1st, 2007 21:13
Wow that’s pretty bad. We take the kiddos everywhere and have never encountered any issues. Libraries should never ever turn kids away. As if that experience will foster a love of libraries for the siblings old enough to realize the disappointment of being turned away.
October 1st, 2007 21:20
My jaw is on the floor. I have never heard of such a thing. What is the difference between a single stroller and a double?? Other than the obvious it’s a little bigger. Who cares? I can see if it’s keeping people from exiting the building in a safe manner but other than that there is no reason a double stoller can’t go somewhere!
Thank god I have never been told I can’t go somewhere yet. I would absolutely flip out (unless of course it was a safety issue).
“not go out alone with so many children.”????? I can’t believe what an ignorant statement that is! OK, we’ll all just stay home 24/7 with our multiples. They’ll never see the light of day or interact with anyone but family or friends that come to the house. We won’t go grocery shopping, or drop off the dry cleaning, or go to the park, or the bank, or the mall. That makes sense…NOT! Who would ever suggest such a thing??
October 1st, 2007 23:45
I have some of the same problems accommodating my two toddlers. They are pretty much the same size and have the same behavior, so sometimes I feel as if I have twins.
Places like the library should never turn away anyone, especially children.
October 2nd, 2007 01:13
I am dumbfounded by this. My only issues have been dealing with the rude comments and trying to navigate aisles that are clearly not stroller friendly (or ADA compliant, how do they get away with that??).
I’m with the commenter who said take it to the newspaper. Call your local news. THROW A FIT. If not for you, for the other moms who were too afraid to do so. We have to band together to fight this kind of b.s.
Hell, where does she live? I’ll call. I’ll write. This is ridiculous.
October 2nd, 2007 08:16
“Not go out alone with so many children”? *smacks forehead* OF COURSE! I am SO STUPID! I keep leaving the children’s nannies in the car!
October 2nd, 2007 09:48
That is absolutely ridiculous! We’ve never encountered anything like that. We even got an insane discount at Gymboree and I took them on my own frequently.
I’d be up for writing some letters and making some calls!
October 2nd, 2007 10:05
Everyone with offers to write letters and such…you should take your offers over to Heather’s web site and let her know directly!
October 2nd, 2007 10:44
I have never been turned away from anywhere per se but I’ve been given lots of dirty looks and unwelcoming stares. It’s hard effing work taking twins out so I always felt like I deserved a medal or at least a high five. I stayed home A LOT from playgroups and library super fun times (or whatever they are
when the boys were younger just because I knew that I wouldn’t enjoy myself.
I would get so irritated seeing the mama with one baby jiggling in her lap with a latte in her hand while I was filled with anxiety trying to hold it all together. So, yeah.
But I STILL get dumb remarks ‘wow, what a nightmare’ ‘you have your hands full’ etc. And they’re two now. Do people ever say that to folks with two kids of different ages? Because that seems like more work to me.
*end rant*
October 2nd, 2007 11:40
That is absolutely ridiculous!!! I’d write to the paper, go to city hall, I’d make my voice heard.
I’ve never had anything like that happen to me, although I am tired of stores putting their aisles so close together you can’t get through.
October 2nd, 2007 18:59
This post is to Jen, regarding the Melting Pot. That reception you got, while seemingly rude, had nothing to do with your child. That restaurant is all over the US now and they only do meals by reservation. That is because each meal is a large-scale, multi-course production. The average time that it takes a group (of two, three, or more) to enjoy the full meal is 2-3 hours, and they don’t allow walk-ins when their reservation book is full regardless of who it is.
I do think a small child would be bored senseless in the Melting Pot. Not to mention that the food is cooked by you at your table so there is a continuous boiling pot of oil, cheese, or chocolate at any given time that would be disastrous for a little one to touch. I’m no melting pot apologist, just wanted to fill you in on what the other side of that story might be.
Alice, your story is terrible.. I’d take that free meal, sock it to them and then never go back. After all, that place is pricey- overpriced if you ask me.
On, and on topic, that is TOTAL BS that anyone would forbid twin strollers or multi-child toting moms. Unacceptable.
October 2nd, 2007 21:47
Wow…if that were me, I’m not sure what I’d do. As any mom of multiple kids knows, it IS a lot of work to get out with them. I have 10 month old twins and I try to get out at least 1-2 times a week just to save my sanity and expose them to family, friends, new places and experiences. In my mind, a library would be a ’safe’ place to visit, not too far from home, and family friendly. Gosh, it makes me worry about venturing there someday soon.
October 3rd, 2007 12:19
We had hoped to take a trip down to New Orleans to see an art exhibit, but the museum doesn’t allow “large strollers”, so we wound up not going. I was a little aggravated, but in that context, I was more understanding — I’d hate to run it into a pedestal.
I do think that by “large stroller” people sometimes mean the “travel system” type stroller for singletons — i.e. umbrellas are OK, but not the big stroller with the infant seat clicked into it. Some of those things aren’t much smaller than my big Graco beast.
I am, however, considering getting a smaller umbrella-type double stroller now that the babies are older, as a secondary measure. It takes up more side-to-side room, but is less unwieldy overall.
I wouldn’t feel bad about parking a wheelchair in the way, but I would sure smile and apologize to people trying to get by. In fact, I’m writing from a restaurant right now, and my crutches are kind of in the traffic path, and I’ve done just that. I try to handle the stroller the same way — not that having twins is on par with a disability, just that the stroller is as essential a piece of equipment to handling two babies by yourself.
October 5th, 2007 00:28
Um, no, I’ve never had this problem. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve had people run to open doors, move things out of the way and store personnel talk to the boys and keep them occupied while I try to grab something that I can’t get to with the stroller. Employees carry things for me and even help me put the boys into the van. A business has never been rude to me. Individuals have been rude to me though, but I sort of expect that. We’re slow and take up a lot of room and some people just don’t have the patience for it.
I’m dumbfounded that a library would have that policy, or a museum. I’ll usually call first to see if we’ll fit, but most of the time I get “We’re wheelchair accessible, you should be fine.” How are we supposed to go out? And we are supposed to go out, even all by ourselves.
October 16th, 2007 12:01
I’m a twin myself, so I find your blog quite interesting. I found your site through Summer’s blog carnival. This discrimination is absolutely outrageous! Didn’t we already go through all this in the past with discriminating against those in wheelchairs?! Crazy!