Raising a Girl
How do you raise a daughter who thinks that she is beautiful when media messages everywhere tell her she is too fat/too dull/too something? How do you raise a daughter who in confident when by second grade girls already say that they are not as good at math as boys, although they still test at the same ability. How do you raise a daughter in a world where clothing chains sell thongs for school girls?
(Twintastic has other films in this series posted. The one that shows a model’s transition from a reasonably pretty woman to a billboard via makeup, hair and Photoshop is really astounding and worth a look. )
Stumble it!
and the 529 college savings accounts get a kickback.
October 4th, 2007 13:58
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHow do you raise a daughter who in confident when by second grade girls already say that they are not as good at math as boys, although they still test at the same ability. How do you raise a daughter in a world where clothing chains … [...]
October 4th, 2007 15:14
Thanks for posting that. I have twin girls, and I think the answer is simple. They will have a Daddy who will be a force in their lives, will tell them they are special and will not only encourage them to shun such shallow, stupid images but make fun of them at every opportunity possible.
October 4th, 2007 15:26
The sad thing is how pervasive it is. You’re not there yet, but wait until you start looking for appropriate clothing for a kindergartener. With t-shirts everywhere that say, “Hottie in Training”, I end up going to the NOW website to buy a shirt that reads, “Future President”. Heels for kids? Pants with “CUTIE” stamped across the ass?
We have to fight it every step of the way. If you’ve never read “Reviving Ophelia”, I highly recommend it.
October 4th, 2007 16:00
You said it! Its getting harder and harder, especially if you are trying to teach them to dress right!
Dangerdoll said it right, the clothing is terrible for 5 year olds!!
Yep, you opened a can of worms!! (for me anyways!!)
October 4th, 2007 16:14
Having two daughters and never really having bought into the whole girly-girl thing (I am deadly with a curling iron and I have scars to prove it . . .), I have thought a lot about this. I think you combat the images they receive every day by the little things you do and say every day. When my 3 year old asks me if she looks pretty, I tell her pretty is as pretty does. I make a point of complimenting my 7 year old for being tough, strong, and smart. I insist that my girls learn to drive the tractor and that they see me doing things like cleaning the chicken coop or fixing a gate. There’s a balance you have to find between teaching them that it’s great to be a girl (boys are stinky, anyway) and teaching them that they don’t have to be bound in by that label.
And kids clothes are horrid. I shudder everytime I go into my daughter’s first grade class and see how many of the girls in there have pants so low you can see their princess panties. My daughter actually prefers her brother’s hand-me-down jeans and shorts – the stay up better.
Oh, I also try never to talk about my own body in a negative way in front of them. My husband’s cousin used to complain through every holiday meal (in front of her two daughters) about how long she would be on the treadmill for every bite she ate. What a way to ruin Christmas dinner.
October 4th, 2007 16:48
Granted M. is only two, but I agree with Kelly Jo. It is impartive to teach your daughter to be strong; physically, emotionally, and mentally. From the day I found out I was having a girl, I said that I refused to let her grow up with a poor self image or ‘girly-girl’. Don’t get me wrong, I make sure she knows that dress clothes are for outings, church, etc, and that girls need to behave a certain way. BUT.. she also rides a 4-wheeler with Daddy, snowmobiles with me, gets dirty, and loves to ride in the truck. And in saying that, she would prefer to wear her motocross outfit anyday over anything, unless it’s a Winnie the Pooh shirt.
We need to be strong women, raising strong daughters. Happy thursday!!!
October 4th, 2007 18:13
I find myself making stupid comments, which tells me how pervasive this is. I have to be conscious of what I say, or I am more likely to tell little girls they are pretty than that they are smart, and vice versa for the boys. If I am personally as aware as this issue and yet still have this impulse, I cannot imagine what the barrage of unthinking gender smacks must be doing to our kids on a daily basis.
All you can do is be conscious of it, be open and honest with your kids, be a good role model, surround them with good role models, and talk, talk, talk with them.
And never, ever get F anything with writing on her fanny.
October 4th, 2007 18:21
Great post. You should enter it in the “mother’s of daughters” carnival.
so many good points mentioned here. It is truly scary. I have a hard enough time finding clothes for my 2 year old that aren’t mini replicas of the teen age clothes. argh!
October 4th, 2007 18:49
Great post. As a mother of a 11 month old daughter I think about this often, too. I don’t have answers, but I tend to agree about being a good role model and being careful about clothes. We limit media viewing in our house (no TV at all), which I hope will help a little, too. Maybe we could start a clothes boycott. A very large number of parents who stated very publicly why they refuse to shop at certain retailers or buy certain brands might have an effect. I stopped shopping at Kohl’s when I saw them selling bras in size 4-6X but I never told Kohl’s that. My mini boycott would be much more effective if they knew why they lost a customer!
October 4th, 2007 19:09
I think Kelly Jo is spot on!
My girls both love getting all dressed up, being pretty and then going out to look for bugs, play in the dirt, and dig for worms… Meanwhile, they are both really good at math and love science as much as they are verbally gifted. I have taken a lot of care to have them go to schools where I think they will be able to learn and grow with a minimum of sexist crap.
The fact that they live in a world that is obnoxious and filled with a degrading onslaught of women negative images and sentiment breaks my heart, but it also strengthens my own resolve to try to model appropriate responses.
That said, I’d also like to point out that boys and men are also subject to a great deal of ridiculous and unrealistic expectations. Just check your spam folder and you’ll find some amusing examples therein.
Moral of it all: we the moms and dads need to talk about it when the time comes, and try to help teach the difference between real and hype.
October 4th, 2007 19:21
Good questions. Let me know when you find the answers.
October 4th, 2007 19:28
It certainly won’t be easy. I’m already trying to make conscious choices in my language and how I praise but I hope to start by modeling the same self-esteem I want her to have. We also don’t turn on the tv. I know it’s just a small thing but if that helps to keep unhealthy images out of the home than it’s worth the effort.
Of course, having read an article about how girls are fast outperforming boys in school, I have my worries about raising a boy as well.
October 4th, 2007 19:53
I don’t know….i wish i did! Don’t get me started on the clothes thing…i have been disgusted since my 2 year old couldn’t fit into her 2T pants because they were low-rise/tight butt. Hello, she was two? I started buying boy’s pants for her, that works… but jeez. She’s now 3 and goes to a preschool that mandates a school uniform. Uniforms for preschools seems ridiculous at first but after seeing what alot of little girls are wearing these days…maybe it isn’t that bad an idea after all.
October 4th, 2007 20:26
*gorannnnn* I don’t KNOW. It seems IMPOSSIBLE.
October 4th, 2007 20:26
Um, I meant “*groannnnnn*” Who even knows what a “gorannnnn” is?
October 4th, 2007 21:42
I know there are scary clothes for 5 year olds, but I’ve even seen scary baby clothes: onesies for babies that say “does this diaper make my butt look fat?” and even pacifiers that said “I’m a princess like my mom.” Who buys these things? And it’s SO hard to find girl toddler clothes that aren’t pink and boy that aren’t blue with trucks and sports… not that there’s anything wrong with trucks and sports and blue or pink and princesses, but it’s nice to have options.
I study gender in adolescents and beyond so I try to always be conscious of these issues, especially with B/G twins, but it’s really hard not to fall into these traps. Thanks for asking the tough questions!
October 5th, 2007 12:10
I hadn’t thought much about the issue of clothing, with an 11 month old I foolishly assumed that it’d be a few years before having to search past the “sexy” clothes. But, in the store this week, starting at size 3-6 months “Future Supermodel” hmmmm… no! It’s so wrong, but you know, someone must buy them or they wouldn’t make them, sad really!
October 5th, 2007 13:33
I just wanted you to know that I referenced this post and your blog in general in my post today. You are one of my absolute favorite blogs to read. You rock!