The Terrible Twos
Let us start by noting that I am not reassured by all those people who tell me that three is actually worse. Or that four is worse that three. Apparently at 18, assuming you haven’t screwed up too badly, they move out and it gets easy.
All of this is to say that the proverbial terrible twos have descended upon this house and I am, shall we say, finding this a difficult age. A typical incident involves J agreeing that he would like macaroni and cheese for lunch, screaming the entire time I am cooking it, eating most of it, not eating for a while, screaming when I take the bowl away and then throwing it on the floor when I return it to him. Multiply that by two kids all day long and you may get a sense of how frazzled I feel.
Well, perhaps “frazzled” is the wrong word. At any rate I have been in a funk this week. Nothing bad has happened. Nothing is wrong. I just feel, well, frazzled. Over-whelmed, stressed and out of sorts. Nothing may be wrong but nothing seems to be exactly right either. I’m frustrated with the tantrums, frustrated with photography, frustrated with the house, frustrated with my life.
Sigh.
Stumble it!
Donate to the Zoë and Lennox Simpson Memorial Fund
and the 529 college savings accounts get a kickback.
August 7th, 2008 21:34
My god-daughter was definitely not worse at 3 or 4. I’ve heard those rumors too but insist on being optimistic. But since that doesn’t do a darn thing for you right now, here’s a hug. I hope that some wonderful moments come your way in the next few days to make it all worthwhile.
August 7th, 2008 22:24
Um, what happens when at 22 they move back in with you? Perhaps the 4years led to some kind of recovery?
For every “3 is harder than 2″ I hear I get another “everything is easier after 3.” I think each phase sets of different parenting buttons, so which one seems the worst depends on the parent’s personality (one friend told me she found 3 harder than 2 because at 2 they don’t know any better whereas at 3, they should; another friend said she preferred 3 because now she can reason with him). A lot of it is person/environment fit, so if it’s not fitting you well now, perhaps 3 will better suit you. I know that’s a long time to wait, though.
Sorry you’ve having such a draining week. Hope you find time on the weekend for a pedicure or something else indulgent, you deserve it!
August 8th, 2008 01:55
I found that 18-24 months was difficult, 24-30 was the worst (we’re talking 5-6 30 minute tantrums a day) and 30+ gradually gets easier. I didn’t have 2 at once though. But yeah, I know the frazzled feeling.
August 8th, 2008 08:28
It really irks me when people say 3 is worse than 2. I’ll have 2 newborns shortly before our son turns 3. If I can expect the type of behavior we have going on now to ramp up, while I have newborn twins, well……. I’m in for a world of hurt.
Although I must say, this week he has been really good.
August 8th, 2008 09:32
I’m frustrated just reading this.
The girls continue to teeth. Lord help us all.
August 8th, 2008 10:12
I wish I could say it gets better, however they will go through spells of being sweet angels and then turn into tantrum monsters. Honestly, the closer M gets to 3 the better she is getting. Not to say that we do not have bad days. We do however have a time-out stool, and we use it. We also give her a warning, and if there is no change in the behavior we start to count to 3 very slowly. The 8 times out of 10 the behavior/tantrum ceases before we get to 2. For the times that doesn’t work, we calmly, and I stress calmly get her, walk her to the time-out stool and make her sit there until she calms down. I’m sure many people with disagree with this, however it works well for us. The key that I have found is; 1) be consistent and 2) the calmer I am while speaking with her, the faster she settles down.
Yes, this is easy for me because I have a singleton, but there’s no reason it can’t be modified for two. Good luck, take a breath, do some yoga during naptime and regroup yourself. They will push the limits until they know they can’t push anymore and that there are punishments for misbehavior.
ps - it could have been worse with the mac ‘n cheese, m had a breakdown like that at a very nice restaurant when the waitress took her plate. the waitress felt so bad that she upset M, we got free dessert…
August 8th, 2008 13:03
I just posted about this very thing. I am finding this age VERY difficult. I was easily getting frustrated, yelling, and in a general funk. I hope you find your way out because it is not a fun place to be. What helped for me what a change of attitude and to remember that this is just a phase. Fight the Funk!!
August 8th, 2008 13:07
I hope this isn’t terribly snarky, but what good does it do us to “know” these things? I use quotes because all of the predictions are different and none of them apply to *these* kids because *these* kids have never grown up before. I smile and ignore all of these comments because they don’t do me any good. Am I supposed to turn my home into a prison? Prepare for harsh punishments? Get myself ready, somehow, for hating her for exactly 18 months until she grows out of [habit x]?
Seriously, though, what’s the POINT?
August 8th, 2008 14:36
I agree that this two yr. old behavior is very frustrating and draining, but thanks so much for writing about it putting you in a funk. I was in the same place with my b/g twins two weeks ago. Really I typically count how lucky I am, great husband, healthy kids, nice home, etc…, but the constant drama behavior of my twins just made me exhausted and at the end of the day all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and hide under the sheets. I have to agree with the other posts on doing something for yourself this weekend, it seems to help me when I get a few hours of “me” time. Also I have started to do yoga (video taped) every other day during my twins nap. It is helping me a great deal be a calmer in my parenting.
August 11th, 2008 21:30
I’ve so had many days like this lately. I’m sorry becasue I know how it feels.
August 17th, 2008 19:24
Well, i read this a week ago and now i am commenting a *little* late. So that tells you how it is here, and we are just only learning to walk!
I only wanted to say that i have heard that about ‘three is worse than two’ and i will share my experience — with my oldest, 2 was hands-down the worst age. So far, that is, and that includes up to 15…nearly 16. Three was my *favorite* age with him. The exploration, the communication, the opening up of the mind — it was such a joy to watch and to participate in.
On the other hand, with the girl, 3 was worse than 2. She will be 4 in a few weeks, and it shows no signs of getting better, either. OTOH, A. was an only child for years, and C. had to deal with the sudden appearance of twin babies when she was not-yet-three. As she gets older, she becomes ever-more-sophisticated and adept at pushing my buttons….and diverting my attention from whatever havoc the twins are up to.
So in sum i think that it has a lot to do with the family situation, and also the personalities of the children involved. For you, maybe three will be much better than two, you never know.