The Twinkies

Some people have tips on how to be a better parent. I have nothing for you there. But here is my Bad Parent Tip of today:

When your children are fighting over lunch and whose sandwich is whose and one sandwich is half eaten and lying on the floor just tell them that they need to figure it out and let you know when they are done because you have ice cream sandwiches for after lunch.

Suddenly they are all done. They’ll even carry their plates to the sink.

I am a terrible mother. I sit with my children while they fall asleep. Oh GOD they’ll never learn to fall asleep on their own and I am depriving them of useful sleep skills. They crawl into bed with me at night. They aren’t learning independence.

I am a terrible mother.I take them to school. I am forcing them into unwanted separation. They should be with me all the time, they are still just babies. I am forcing independence on them before they are ready.

I am a terrible mother. I am so bad about keeping the occupied. I really should be better about having activities set up for them to do to keep them busy. And I should have them enrolled in more enrichment activities. Early advantages pay off later. I read Outliers. Or I skimmed it. Who has time to read? Oh, and they should have a consistent schedule. Toddlers thrive on doing the same thing at the same time every day. I am dooming them by not keeping them more occupied and structured.

I am a terrible mother. I really need to give them more free time to explore. They are so busy with school and art class. Kids need to be bored so they can learn to fill their time in creative ways, otherwise they become unable to entertain or motivate themselves. I am dooming them by not allowing them more unstructured play time.

I am a terrible mother. How dare I take time for myself to explore my interests? They are only little once and I should savor every moment and totally devote myself to their well being. They are going to feel insecure and unloved and be unbearable because I am not focusing on them.

I am a terrible mother. I really should take more time to explore my own interests or I will be insane. They are going to grow up thinking they are the center of the universe and be unbearable because I am overly focused on them.

I am a terrible mother. I should feed them healthier snacks. Cucumbers and strawberries and rice cakes. Ia m ruining them with treats. Children cannot live on Mac ‘n Cheese and cookies alone. They are going to grow up with unhealthy attitudes about junk food.

I am a terrible mother. Treats are a fun part of life. Treatless macrobiotic vegans are horrible bores. Plus, if I don’t feed them Mac ‘n Cheese they may starve to death right before my eyes. Right in front of me. They aren’t going to grow up because they are going to waste away.

Sometimes I really notice how insane I actually am.

J drank it all!

I’m going to take this blog private in early February. I am planning on going back to work and I don’t particularly want prospective employers (or, God forbid, students) to read here.

When I do, the login information will be:

Login: Twinkies
Password: Zade