Parenting Guilt
I am a terrible mother. I sit with my children while they fall asleep. Oh GOD they’ll never learn to fall asleep on their own and I am depriving them of useful sleep skills. They crawl into bed with me at night. They aren’t learning independence.
I am a terrible mother.I take them to school. I am forcing them into unwanted separation. They should be with me all the time, they are still just babies. I am forcing independence on them before they are ready.
I am a terrible mother. I am so bad about keeping the occupied. I really should be better about having activities set up for them to do to keep them busy. And I should have them enrolled in more enrichment activities. Early advantages pay off later. I read Outliers. Or I skimmed it. Who has time to read? Oh, and they should have a consistent schedule. Toddlers thrive on doing the same thing at the same time every day. I am dooming them by not keeping them more occupied and structured.
I am a terrible mother. I really need to give them more free time to explore. They are so busy with school and art class. Kids need to be bored so they can learn to fill their time in creative ways, otherwise they become unable to entertain or motivate themselves. I am dooming them by not allowing them more unstructured play time.
I am a terrible mother. How dare I take time for myself to explore my interests? They are only little once and I should savor every moment and totally devote myself to their well being. They are going to feel insecure and unloved and be unbearable because I am not focusing on them.
I am a terrible mother. I really should take more time to explore my own interests or I will be insane. They are going to grow up thinking they are the center of the universe and be unbearable because I am overly focused on them.
I am a terrible mother. I should feed them healthier snacks. Cucumbers and strawberries and rice cakes. Ia m ruining them with treats. Children cannot live on Mac ‘n Cheese and cookies alone. They are going to grow up with unhealthy attitudes about junk food.
I am a terrible mother. Treats are a fun part of life. Treatless macrobiotic vegans are horrible bores. Plus, if I don’t feed them Mac ‘n Cheese they may starve to death right before my eyes. Right in front of me. They aren’t going to grow up because they are going to waste away.
Sometimes I really notice how insane I actually am.
Stumble it!
and the 529 college savings accounts get a kickback.
January 27th, 2009 01:39
I have actually felt this way on occasion. Well, except for the mother part.
January 27th, 2009 09:24
I’m afraid it doesn’t get any better as they age. I have experienced more mother insanity guilt over the last 10 days since Cass broke his leg and landed in a wheelchair than at any time in his infancy. From my perspective, however, you are doing a great job. They are beautiful children.
January 27th, 2009 11:13
Get out of my head! I’ve had many of these conflicting thoughts as well.
I’ve also had the “I let them watch videos of themselves when I should be reading to them”/”I don’t let them watch TV and am depriving them of fun plus not teaching them to do it in moderation” guilt.
January 27th, 2009 15:44
Sorry, but I can’t stop laughing. You’re not a terrible mom, your a real mom, dealing with real things…
January 28th, 2009 00:02
Darling Stacie,
Yes, of couse, you’re a terrible mom. It’s because you’re in the middle of it. Later they grow up and you become (for the historical record) a saint. Check the card stores on Mother’s Day. There isn’t a single product your kids can buy that says “Thanks! You did an okay job but you could have done better if you hadn’t spent all your time reading trashy novels (or working for minimum wage, or running for Congress, or lying stoned in the gutter). I finally grew bangs to cover up the “incompetent” sign I clearly had tatooed my forehead, as people on the street used to feel it was their civic duty to come up to me and tell me I was doing it wrong. Your little essay neatly points out the “gotcha” inherent in modern mothering: there isn’t ANY way to do it “right”. Whatever choice you make is probably prosecutable somewhere in this country. By the way, you discovered in a recent post a housekeeping secret of mothers everywhere: Wait till they spill something and then wipe it up, hoping some of the dirt comes with it. You have VERY LUCKY children.
Love,
Gloria
January 28th, 2009 08:34
There is no way to keep from second guessing yourself as a parent. Just comes with the territory.
February 6th, 2009 19:09
Oh, TERRIBLE! It just makes me SICK when I hear about the conditions some children live in.
February 6th, 2009 19:10
(Hee!)