The Twinkies

So, there we were, eating dinner, the kids having already asked to be excused, when I sniffed. I smelled something. ‘Who pooped?’ I asked. You can probably tell that potty training is going slowly. “Who pooped?’ again.

“I farted,” James said.

Later, in the bathtub, he did a squat thing and having lived through bathtub poopage before Brian quickly asked whether he was pooping. Do you start to feel there is a theme in our lives? If you’ve missed it, it’s excrement. There will be a quiz tomorrow. Back to the narrative. James was not pooping. He was farting. Brian told him not to fart in the bathtub lest he mistake an impending solid excretion for air, leading up back to the bathtub pooping possibility, which must be avoided.

As a side note, I once worked with an actress, back in the days when I was paid vast sums of money to do their laundry and help them get dressed, who had done a show where she thought she was going to fart but was mistaken. Her wardrobe crew had to do a fast change. I’m glad she only told this story at the show I worked on rather than living it. The glamour of professional theatre is what really makes it all worth while.

Back to James.

He climbed out of the bathtub to stand on the rug to fart again, then climbed back into the water. And those were the farts of the evening.

Motherhood is very spiritually uplifting, isn’t it, and keeps the mind focused on the noble purity of raising children?

This entry was posted on Monday, July 20th, 2009 at 9:54 pm and is filed under From The Trenches. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.