The Twinkies

Last year I spent it puking my brains out and wanting to die, thanks to a lovely virus.

This year we aren’t even trying. We’re getting a precooked Turkey from the grocery store (and actually, yes, I do know how to cook a turkey and, no, it isn’t hard but I really can’t be bothered) and I’m spending the whole weekend working.

As the adolescents would say, fuck my life.

The children have discovered jokes. Well, a joke.

How does the dinosaur get out of the pool?

(wait for it…)

Wet.

Now laugh uproariously.

Now repeat 3,698,320 times.

Now replace “Wet” with “With his fingers.” Laugh uproariously.

Isn’t it sad how parenthood makes you latch on to the smallest things to convince yourself your child is bright and clever and wonderful despite her refusal to use the toilet at home and her propensity for out and out lying to get dessert and that it would be a bad idea to just leave her parked in front of the TV for the next 15 years?

from school…

[quote]James is industrious, independent and very happy. James saunters into our class with a happy, cheerful attitude. He is very independent with his work choices; lately he is enamored with the vehicle language cards. He enthusiastically tells stories about his life experiences. It is a bit difficult to understand as he tends to speak so quickly ad he has some sounds that have not yet become consistently clear. I am working on his recall of sounds with the sandpaper letters. Occasionally he refers to them as the letter name. For consistency sake I encourage you to use only the sounds of the letters. James is well loved in our classroom. He is very confident and seems t feel quite at home in the classroom. He makes appropriate independent work choices; occasionally I have to remind him about how to handle the materials. One of James’ favorite activities is eating! He has an enormous appetite.[/quote]

[quote] Fiona is a playful little girl who is enjoying the social aspect of her environment. She is aware of what she wants and is very able to make choices. It has been observed that Fiona’s articulation is not very clear yet. While Fiona is still young, it is important that she learns to make eye contact and to take her time while speaking. We speak clearly to her and we use appropriate language to encourage her to do the same. We are presently working on “the sound games” (letter sounds). It would be great to reinforce this area at home. As always, we are delighted she is with us![/quote]

An actual conversation:

Brian (calling down from upstairs): I think you should rinse your toothbrush out tonight.

Me: Um… why?

Brian: Because James had to wash out his underwear and while he was doing that your toothbrush fell in the sink.

James got into a conflict with another child at school over “bagel work”. As far as I can glean from my child, there were no more bagels so James attempted to take one from another child; the child objected and now James is claiming that child is mean. Fiona is VERY annoyed someone was mean to her brother, so much so she marched up to the offender on the playground and yelled at him. Then, the following day in the car she asked if the, err, miscreant had been nice to James that day. “Yes, sister. He’s a nice boy now.” was the response.

Then, today, James asked her to go yell at the kid again.

Don’t mess with James. He’ll have Fiona beat you up.