The Twinkies

I confess that when people compliment me on my conversions, and the picture was taken with black and white film, I think they’re stupid.

Knowing no one reads this anymore is very freeing.

1) It’s not rocket science, people. Getting the picture in focus and properly exposed is the easy part. Could you stop with the dumb ass questions already and try looking stuff up? I’m not nearly as nice as you seem to think I am.

2) OMG the grey hair. I’m still 24 in my head. What am I 44 on it?

3) If that child doesn’t stop screaming like a tortured banshee because I opened the door instead of him I may actually go insane and people will have to send me care packages at the sanitorium.

4) I don’t remember how to cheat at rogue. This is unfortunate.

5) How come the week I decide, “you know, I’m actually pretty damn depressed – maybe I should go back into therapy” the shrink is on vacation. Gah!

6) The library doesn’t have a copy of The Feminine Mystique. What the hell?

1. If you are are too lazy to read the manual, and I’ve already explained it to you once using small words, please don’t ask a stupid question that shows you didn’t actually read the explanation or are frankly too stupid to understand it. I will not clarify.

2. You know that feeling you get when you get a lovely note, handwritten, on beautiful paper, thanking for your hospitality and you stand there in bare feet while you read it, with a sliver of glass in your heel, wearing an old t-shirt that has peanut butter on it from where your kid leaned his face? Oh, you don’t know that feeling? Let me fill you in: it’s the despair that your life is a box with ugly wallpaper.

3. It’s a damn good thing we aren’t dependent on my ability to grow food to eat or we’d starve to death.

4. I have 4 orders to prep for the lab, 1 to proof and 4 sessions this weekend. There is only so much I can manage in a day and by the time the kids are in bed I’m worn out from dealing with them.

5. There are people I really miss that I’m basically never going to see again. I wasn’t even able to get into NYC to see a photo exhibit I really wanted to see. One day. ONE FUCKING DAY to be a person rather than a servant at everyone’s beck and call. Clean the house. Make the dinner. Where’s my truck pajamas? Get me some water.