The Twinkies

Dear F,

You are one today. A year ago, quiet and still, you were pulled from me. You scared your father, you were so limp. You had to be given oxygen, and an IV was inserted in your arm. But you were so sweet, and so brave. You loved to snuggle with me from the very beginning, and nursed when the nurse removed your IV; I’m sure it hurt but you didn’t cry, just held on to me. You are still a cuddler; you crawl into my lap and snuggle in. You also hurl yourself forward at me, at the world, with fearless verve. Nothing daunts you and almost nothing bothers you. You love to get into just about anything, and sometimes I call you Mischief. You pull things out of drawers, go through the recycling, and can find any open baby gate within seconds. You are such a lovable girl. You are my Snuggle Bug who comes up to me, thumb in mouth, and puts her head on my lap. You love books, and sit turning the pages in your books; you have a favorite page in one book and always open to that page. When I try to read past it your grab the pages and turn back. You were calm in utero and that calm has (usually) extended into your life. I look at how big you are and marvel at you. Watching you grow is amazing; you are amazing. I love you. Happy Birthday.

– Mama

1. Nurse J. F stands in crib and looks petulant.
2. Nurse F. J tosses and turns in crib.
3. Read three stories to F. J seems to be out.
4. Go to leave. J is not out. Both stand and stare balefully at me.
5. Clean kitchen for 5 minutes while screaming varies in pitch from “hey” to “OHMYGOD YOU’VE ABANDONED ME FOREVER AND I AM GOING TO DIE HERE”
6. Go back upstairs and soothe babies. Pats and nibbles from the breast while they stand in their cribs work.
7. Babies start to giggle and look at one another.
8. After a few minutes of giggling, J lies down and falls asleep.
9. F reaches for me through her crib bars. She is being her most engaging, flirty self.
10. Play with F through crib bars for about 5 minutes. She tugs on my hair. I nibble on her fingers. And so on.
11. Nurse F lying down in my bedroom for about 3 minutes.
12. Put her back in her own crib.
13. Success.

Today J screamed loudly enough to cause another woman to look in to make sure everything was OK when I was in the mother’s lounge at Nordstroms. He was fine. I was nursing his sister.

Today F stumbled and bit her tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Today J fell out of the bathtub (onto me - he’s fine) while trying to climb out and fetch the toothbrush he had tossed to the floor.

Today someone managed to put a pan on a shelf that is totally out of reach, and there was nothing dragged to the bookcase to explain how that was accomplished.

Today someone unrolled the cloth diaper liners and dragged them all over the playroom. They were on that same “out-of-reach” shelf.

Today I combed J’s hair for the first time.

Today F climbed into my lap and snuggled there.

Today J hugged me.

Today was a normal day.

F has 7 teeth. J is holding steady at 4.